Can I just touch on something that I didn’t expect on the race? When you are getting ready for the race, you think about all the amazing places that you will travel to, you think about how much your relationship with God will grow, and you get excited for the person that you will become after the race. Of course you think about the people you are going to be spending the next 11 months with but you don’t know the kind of effect that they will have on your life. Recently, I was asked by one of my team members what was one thing that I learned while on the race. It only took me a quick second surprisingly to come up with an answer. “I learned that I don’t have to be perfect.”
At first I wasn’t really sure where that answer came from but the more I broke it down, the more I understood where my heart was. I have never felt more loved by people than I do while on this race. I have travelled from place to place and it is hard for me as an introvert to make a lot of friends. I wanted to be that “popular” person in high school and that carried on throughout my life. Alas, that is not what God had for me. I have lots of families in other countries. Groups of people that I know will let me come into their homes, have coffee dates, and I get excited to text when I coming to visit. But, there are very few who I talk to almost everyday. You might be thinking, “Well, it’s better to have quality over quantity!” But, that is not where my mind found peace. When I went on this race, I kind of came in discouraged. I had lived in Seattle for alittle over a year and felt like I barely had any close friendships. I had two best friends who stayed in contact with me consistently. I grew so much in the short time I lived in the PNW, but I craved that love from others. Even living in Seoul for 4 years, people would come in and out of my life as teaching contracts were up and they moved back to the states after a year or two. I started to become bitter. I felt like a grumpy lady that just wanted to tell people, “Well, your friendship isn’t going to last forever.” I came into the race in January with a HUGE wall built up against my first team. I didn’t know the foundation of the wall until the end of Indonesia in our second month. My mind went straight to the fact that this race is only a year long, after that year, how many of us would really stay in touch? How could I open up my heart so much to people that I was afraid would leave me at the end of the race? I would just sit there and pour out my hear to them and watch them walk away with that information? Heck no! After sitting in team time after team time and not opening up, I started to get angry because people could not figure me out. I was like, “Am I that hard to read?” Was I expecting a team of mind readers? I’m not sure. It wasn’t until my second team in Sri Lanka that God put the word vulnerability on my heart. I told them that I had never been a part of a community that I talked this openly about some of the hardest things that I have gone through in my life. But, the best part was that every one on my new team was even more open. As we dove deeper into each other’s stories, we built a sisterhood that is something I will cherish the rest of my life. They taught me how to be vulnerable. They taught me that my story is important. They taught me that I am important. That isn’t something that I have felt in a while. And that is something that I have learned while on my last two teams and these past two weeks while at debrief and PVT.
I want you to know that you are not going on the race for a bunch of new friends, these people become your family. They walk with you through some of the hardest lessons of your life. They live with you in some of the hardest conditions around the world. They watch you in love as you have a mental breakdown and give you a hug even if you are sweaty and haven’t showered in 3 days. They love you for your achievements and for your failures. And that was the hardest lesson for me to learn. I didn’t know how to be loved. I didn’t like it when people would just throw around the word love. I knew it was so much more than just a word, but what does it feel like? As I debriefed our last three months, I realized that through the people on this race, God was showing me what it means to be loved. I realized that I was loved. And this past week during debrief, that love overflowed into the parents that were there. I was excited to have my mom there to meet parents who were on fire for God. I wanted her to make so many new friends and people to keep in touch with while she was in Georgia. But, what I loved even more than that, was having my mom love on my teammates. I know that my mom loves well. Watching her having conversations with all of my squad made me smile so big. I loved that she was now a part of their lives. On top of that, I got to have conversations with some pretty amazing moms and dads. I was introduced to even more of my extended family while on the race. They are following my blog, they are reading my monthly newsletters, and excited to give me a hug when they see me. On top of all of that, YOU GUYS, these people have gifted me with a new guitar. You read that right. I am now the proud owner of a new beautiful guitar that a few people on my squad and parents bought in Georgia.
People who don’t know my whole story, but know who I am, are excited to step in and put a smile on my face. I have never felt more loved than I did in that very moment.
The community that you build on this race is extended from racers, to parents, to alumni, and to strangers who read your blog in a coffee shop. If you are thinking of going on the race or are getting ready to leave, know that these people are now your family. They are there to love you through everything. We are called to listen and love. I feel like that is what a lot of the world has forgotten. But, I am so grateful to be surrounded by people who love well whether it be through words or actions. I am learning to love and how to be loved. The most exciting part is that I can say in confidence that I love G-squad. I can look at anyone in my squad and feel in my heart the love that wells up for the growth I have seen in them and the stories I have heard through them. I didn’t come into World Race really thinking about the family that I would gain but I know that I am walking out of it with trust in my brothers and sisters. As we go through the last three months of this race, we know that the finish line will lead to another adventure. But I can’t thank God enough for the racers, the parents, and the alumni that have walked me through this adventure so far. Thank you for my new guitar and my renewed faith in friendships.
In honor of G-squad and the race, my new guitars name is Grace. It is such a perfect reminder of the amazing people that give me grace when I don’t deserve it and don’t ever expect me to be perfect.
