I spend most of my time these days trying to find a new quiet spot that I can go to and just step away from everything. With a lot going on, I need some time to recharge. I guess that could be the introvert in me as well. But, I decided to go to a new place because I wanted to sit outside instead of my usual café. (As much as I love smelling like coffee when I leave.) I decided on a park that was on the water so I could enjoy the sound of trees blowing in the wind and waves rushing up on shore. I had no idea where I was going in the park but I just started walking on a path near the water. I kept walking past little openings in the trees to little spots on the water where I saw people playing fetch with their dogs and kids swimming. After walking past three little openings, I came across a perfect spot. Right on the water there was a rock big enough to sit on and the tide coming right up to it. The trees provided shade so that I wouldn’t get sunburnt and it was cool in the summer heat.
I sat down on the rock with my bag next to me and just watched as the water went back and forth on the shore. As boats and jet skis went by, the water moved closer to my rock and the waves became bigger as they rolled onto the shore. I noticed to my right that there were three tennis balls floating in the water. There were lots of dogs playing fetch and I am sure many of them get tired of swimming after those little green balls that float away. One tennis ball was on the shore and was being moved back and forth with the tide. The other two were being thrown in the water with a lot more force and I started to almost feel sorry for them. I know, I felt a little crazy too, but I felt bad that they were stuck in these waves and couldn’t get onto shore where they wanted to be. It got to the point that I was tempted to go in the water and bring them to shore myself. It looked like the tennis balls wanted to just be on shore so that they could sit still. They kept being tossed about in and out of the water, back and forth. For people like me who can’t really swim, I imagined that’s what I look like when I’m in Lake Washington. I started to think about my life and how I used to wish all the time that I would be able to settle down. I wanted to be able to live somewhere for a long time and maybe even start a family by age 25. I was staring at that solid ground and yearning to be there. Yea, I saw myself as a tennis ball.
I feel like my life has a pretty consistent tide. I don’t find myself going backward at any point, honestly it’s the opposite. I keep moving forward and I don’t sit still for very long at all. I stared at what was in front of me and used to hope that it was finally the shore where I can sit for a rest. But it never fails that a big wave comes by and keeps pushing me forward. I was praying last night as I sat on a dock by the lake. I have been having a hard time lately with trusting fully in God and knowing that the decisions that I have made are what I have been called to. I was looking up at the stars in the sky, listening to people around me sitting and laughing on the dock with friends. To be honest, I was in tears and just exhausted from a bad week. I just thought, “God why can’t I just have a normal life like them?” In that moment the word extraordinary came to mind. I am not called to live the normal life that I wish I had sometimes. I am called to live an extraordinary life for Jesus. My life decisions may not always make sense and it is sometimes so difficult for me to put into words why I do the things I do. But through everything, I am confident that God is glorified. I used to pray in high school for this kind of adventurous life and God is just answering my prayers. I need to continually remind myself that although the waves keep carrying me, they carry me to where I need to be. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable, sometimes its hard, and sometimes its completely unexpected. But, I think that is what keeps my life exciting. I hope that through my life story, I am able to inspire others to not be afraid of twists and turns in their own stories. I know that sometimes I for sure feel like the waves are too much for me. When I feel overwhelmed over a decision or if someone close to me is having a really hard time, I know that I feel like I can’t keep my head above water. Just like those tennis balls were being tossed in and out of the dark, cold water. But, God will bring a wave to take me to shore.
I watched as a speed boat sped past and big waves continued to come to shore. Little by little, the tennis balls were brought farther and farther up the shore to where the water could no longer touch them. I felt a sense of relief for the balls because they were no longer drowning. I realized that even though I want to stay on safe and dry shoreline, God has created me to withstand even the greatest of waves. I need to trust that God is taking me to where I need to be and that the shore is not there to taunt me, it’s there to remind me to keep looking forward. Will I ever get to shore? I’m not sure. But, I mind as well enjoy my time in the water.
I want to ask you guys to pray for a very dear friend of mine in Korea named Keith. He is one of the most generous people I know and his love for Jesus is even more inspiring. After I left Korea, he was diagnosed with a cancer that is very rare. It has a low survival rate and involved heavy amounts of chemotherapy. He has made it through three rounds of tough Chemo treatments and still has such a joyful spirit. August 30th he has a surgery to remove a tumor that has formed next to the liver. Please pray with me that the tumor would continue to shrink and they are able to remove any of the cancerous portions around it. Pray for healing and strength. Pray for joy and blessed time with his friends and wife before the surgery. If you think of him please shoot up a prayer. And pray extra hard August 29th (America and Korea are on different date lines). Pray for comfort and strength for his wife Heewon as well. He has such an amazing life to live and he needs to be healthy to do it! Thank you! You are amazing and I need you to know that you are loved.
