I am well aware that my recent blog post haven’t been all sunshine and rainbows and well theres a reason to that, I’m a mess. I feel as if I am in the valley right now. Hallelujah! The valleys are what grows you closer to the Lord, so though it seems rough Im excited. Im rejoicing now because I know Im not alone. “It says though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I fear no evil” – Psalms 23:4, but do you know why we fear no evil? Cause the Lord walks beside us the whole time. Psalms 139:11 “even the darkness will become light to you.” So how can you be scared of the dark if you have the light? Im getting really pumped up as I type this! Gods Glory, AM I RIGHT?!
So heres the question, How cam I be a city on a hill if I am in the valley? In reference to Matthew 5:14 The answer that I have found is that our relationship with the Lord cannot be determined by only mountain top experiences. How you hold onto, fight to grow in the Lord, and worship in the valley is still seen by everyone as if you were a city on a hill. Who you are in the hard times says more that how you act when good times are happening in your life. I am not always the best example in the valley but hey, I’m human. I’m not saying that to justify anything, but I know that Gods mercies are new every morning and His grace is the only thing that justifies my sin. Then on top of that, Psalms 23:5-6 says, “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil: my cup over flows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all my days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord.” There is so much in that little truth nugget! OK gotta settle down, the Lord prepares the table and anoints my head in front of my enemies because the battle is already won and I have been given authority over our enemies. COME ON JESUS! Then “Surely goodness and love will follow me all my days of my life.” God is sooo good that even my bad is turned into good to bring Him glory! So how do I rejoice in the valley you might ask? Because I have already won the battle because I walk with the Lord, my relationship is not based on mountain top experiences, His mercies are new every morning and with that comes the joy of the Lord which never fades.
One of my teammates Jaclyn asked me a heart check question. “I haven’t seen this happy Marissa before and I was wondering if she was going to stay around?” I started to do a self evaluation and realized I haven’t had a good day, like a really good day in a while. I’ve had good moments but not a good day. Then I started to think of how I was representing the Lord during that time. Was I good example of a disciple? To be honest, not a lot of moments were in my opinion. So now I have tons of questions coming to mind and a heart that asks; “How will God fix what I messed up?” “What did I mess up?” and more importantly, I think this is why I have not had a ‘good day; in a long time. After spending time with the Lord and talking it out with leadership and my friend I realized that I stopped doing things that brought me joy, like taking photos and telling stories. I also realized that a huge way I process is through stories and when I stopped telling them I stopped processed things correctly or fully, which grew a lot of frustration and bitterness in myself which was directed outwardly and thats not nice. I’m working on that though. For the past few days I have intentionally taken more photos, told more stories and have experienced more laughter and joy.
So to tie things all together. I am a mess but I am still representing the Lord. I am learning how to be the Marissa God wants me to be and I learned that I am a story teller! Things are getting better here on the race and through learning more about who I am, I am learning more about who the Father is to me. More stories are to come and I cant wait to share them with you!
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year! God bless you! Until next time!
