[Brief recap]
I’m currently wrapping up month 10 in El Salvador. I think I spend most of my days somewhere between being super amped that I’m in Central America living a crazy life and hyperventilating because I get to see my dogs… and my family in 35 days. This year has been the most expectingly unexpected year of my life. I’m also the worst blogger known to man-kind. Sorry fam.
I was laying in bed the other night overthinking life, like silly girls do, and I realized my biggest struggle/success. I have been fighting a full on war with myself and for myself against other people for as long as I can possibly remember.
I have listened to so many people tell me what I am and what I’m not. What I’m capable of and what is absolutely impossible for me to accomplish. I thought back, and if I’m being completely honest, I think I’ve had more people in my life tell me I can’t do things more than they’ve told me that I can.
You can’t dance anymore, you can’t do math, you’ll never make it to highschool, you won’t graduate, you’re never going to be able to see out of your eye again, you can’t do this profession, you can’t have this lifestyle, you can’t love this way, you can’t be like everyone else.
I took all of that to heart. I genuinely believed that I was a product of what I was told. And you know what? I ACTED that way. I held myself to the standard of “I can’t”.
How dumb is that?
Being on the Race I have had to face almost every issue I’ve ever had in my entire life and come to peace with it. My life, the one that looks so unlike everyone else’s from start to finish, is something to be proud of. I don’t have a lot of things that people my age do/“should”. However, I have so much more.
I have to look at my path that is paved with grace and a lot of glitter and accept that this is enough. My journey, which I have been so ashamed of because it looks nothing like it “should” is a glorious mess. The all around comparison that used to plague me into believing there was something wrong with me, doesn’t exist anymore.
It’s looking in the faces of men, women, and children from all over the world who have overcome impossible things all to be a testament of a grace paved path that has made me appreciate the beautiful differences of everyone’s journey.
We cant compare. It’s literally talked about in the Bible how comparison is the thief of joy. ITS SO TRUE. Have you ever compared yourself to some else and felt happy about it?!? (You’re lying if you say you do). You da best boo there ever was and that is more than enough for the people in your life who want the best for you.
In a world full of finger pointing should’ers be the hype man. I hope to be the person and be surrounded by the people who cheer on adventures. Be the cheerleader, the helper, the dream caster, and the go getter. Wether it’s along a road that’s similar to others or along the road that’s full of confetti and possibly strobe lights. Know that you’re walking a road that was made with grace and was cemented in love.
Xx M
