*slightly explicit content; sorry in advance*
Have you ever been called a bitch? Maybe an asshole, slut, whore, ugly, stupid, hateful? Maybe it’s a different kind of name. One that’s been silently spoken to you for years? Weak, worthless, undeserving, unkind, boring, invisible. I have. Multiple times. Partly because I deserved them, partly because I was around it for so long I just believed it to be true about me too, partly because people can be so mean for no reason.
I’ve also been the person to call someone else those names. To silently make someone believe they weren’t wanted or weren’t worth it. I used to live in a way that was mean and harmful because I didn’t care about myself so I naturally didn’t care about other people. I didn’t care how that ended up transforming their minds about themselves and I surrounded myself with people who were the same way; which in turn transformed the way I thought about myself.
I believed I was ugly, unworthy of love, unworthy to even be liked. I believed I was hateful, joyless, destructive, invisible, and forever unhappy. I soaked in those names and even wrote a few on my heart in permanent marker for good measure. I acted out of pure hurt and pain and dished it back to people who didn’t deserve it. I became the worst version of myself without even realizing it. Hurt people hurt people, ya know?
Then grace and kindness happened. Changed my life. I’ve had people over the last 6 years see me for me, grab a cloth and start scrubbing at those permanent names written on my heart. Most of them are gone by now, some are still faintly written there; you can barely see them because I refuse to give up on the mess. Being on the race surrounded by people who just want to encourage you has been like that. Just a bunch of strangers willing to grab a rag and help you clean up the mess that was originally your life. Whether its a really old mess or a new one it’s cool to see people coming along side people just to help. Just to love. Just to be there and say “you’re not any of these things”.
We’re in Nepal right now and I was given a Nepali name. Khusi (Koo-see); which means joyful or happiness. It’s a funny thing being renamed but I think that’s what God does with us. He looks at who we truly are instead of what we have been and says “Naw girl, That junk doesn’t cut it anymore”. Then gives us a new name, a clean slate, and a chance to run with it. I tell everyone I meet now (in Nepal) that my name is Khusi. They love it, it not only makes me want to strive to continue in my characteristics of joyfulness and happiness, but it allows others to join in too. You can’t say Khusi and not get a smile on your face. It’s too fun! Everyone will giggle then continue with whatever they were getting my attention for it the first place. Sometimes I just hear them say it just to say it. Because when we walk in freedom and who we really are others want to join in. Whether your name is Khusi or some other character trait the Lord has given you, there is power in a name. There is power in who you say you are! Be the type of person that empowers people. That speaks kind words and sees people for who they really are and calls them by that only.
“Nations will see your righteousness, all kings your glory. You will be called by a new name, which the LORD’s own mouth will determine.”
??Isaiah? ?62:2? ?
Xx M
