“Teach a child to read and he or her would be able to pass a literacy test.”
George W. Bush
For the last five days, I have been in the capital of Cambodia on a logistics mission of sorts. Today, I found myself seated in a cafe booth attempting to muffle my laughs as we watched bad lip reading videos on Youtube (which I have definitely seen more times than I care to admit).
At this point I realize that there are, without a doubt, some sentences I never thought would come out of my mouth! I often find myself trying to zoom out and see any given situation from the outside looking in. Having been on the race for 100 days now, I thought this would be as good a time as any to shed some light on some of these…utterances.
Atlanta, Georgia, USA:
“What do you mean none of us have permission to enter the country of Indonesia? Our flight leaves in 3 hours.” – Coleman to a United Airlines representative
Tokyo, Japan:
“They are just tent poles! I promise!” – Candace to airport security
“How do you use a bidet?” – Me, yelling across the bathroom to Candace
Jakarta, West Java, Indonesia:
“No, I don’t know where we are, but the building has a blue sign and barred windows.” – Me to Erin via burner phone
“Do you have any of these items on the menu?” “No, just fried rice.” – Every food vendor in Asia
“I want to eat dog so bad.” – Candace
Kuta, Bali, Indonesia:
“A kid definitely pooped in my arms in Africa.” – Logan
“Don’t clothesline yourself on my princess net!” – Me, daily
“It will be simple, so easy! All we have to do is rent a boat!” – Pa Wita
“This morning we woke up in a Hindu temple, participated in a ceremonial Balinese photoshoot through the rice fields, taught children the Cha Cha slide and chased them with a water bottle for 5 hours, had a village-wide “Barbecue,” and danced in sarongs.“ – Me to Cassie
“Going to the bathroom here is like giving a mouse a cookie!” – Cassie to the team
“I broke my foot playing Go Bananas…” – Me to everyone
Denpasar, Bali, Indonesia:
“There is no durian allowed on the premises!” – Hotel manager
“This is the worst tea ever, but we have to drink it because we paid for it!” – Greg, on the plane
“Please don’t make me walk through the rain, without shoes, on a broken foot, to go to a breakfast I cannot have.” – Me to Elizabeth, minutes before her glasses broke in half
Manila, Philippines:
“Please don’t get out of the car, you could die here.” – Our taxi driver
“Do you want to go to a banquet?” – Mike, actually inviting us to Prom
“I am not a jungle-gym. I am not a jungle-gym. I am not a jungle-gym!” – Me to the children in Tent city
“Where were you guys?” “Singing karaoke at a strangers birthday party down the street!” – Logan, Candace, Caley, and I
Don Mueang, Bangkok, Thailand:
“I shouldn’t be eating this chicken. It is gray.” – Me, hours before getting food poisoning
“Today I had lunch with the Malaysian men’s soccer team.” – Me
“I would not have made it on the Mayflower!” – Me to Chelsea, on a boat
“Teacha, can we listen to Fergalicious on your iPhone?” – Pukan and AunAun to me, on the disco bus
Chiang Mai, Thailand:
What I think was, “Stop throwing pistachio shells at the road!” – The himalayan police, speaking Thai
“It’s the Buddhist new year, why wouldn’t you douse everyone you see with water?” – Probably Clay
“Does anyone have toilet paper?” – Everyone, at least once
Battambang, Cambodia:
“Today a lady on a moped clipped my bicycle and laid me out, but I’m fine.” – Me
“I have finished cataloging all of the French, German, Norwegian, and Korean books, but I don’t know how to type in Khmer!” – Me to Holly, in the library
“Moo-ve it or lose it cows!” – Me to the cows
“I biked here in the rain after dark with a eye infection.” – Also me
Phnom Penh, Cambodia:
“I this painful?” “Yes!” “Hahaha, relax.” – Doctor
“No please take us to the Vietnamese embassy, not the ambassadors residence.” – Me to our Tuk Tuk driver
“That’s probably the hottest Cambodian guy I’ve ever seen.” – Anonymous
“Have you read this book?” – Me, handing my copy of I AM MALALA to four Pakistani men
Siem Reap, Cambodia:
“There is only so much longer that I can touch your wenis.” – AJ to Caley
I recognize that most of these lack context, but for the sake time and limited Wi-Fi, I have decided to leave the majority of this up to your imagination.
You’re welcome!
