Timid, shy, fearful: these are words that I would use to characterize myself as a child. There are moments in my life when I can look back and see how anxiety was prevalent and building. I asked Jesus to be my Savior night after night to make sure that it “worked”. I didn’t answer questions in school for fear of what people might think of me. I didn’t want to be far from the comfort and security that I knew.
I missed much of my school year in fifth grade because the outside world became too much for my anxious heart to handle. I barely left the house. I vividly remember one instance where I curled up on the bathroom floor sobbing because I couldn’t understand the idea of eternity. My little ten-year-old self couldn’t handle the unknown. As I panicked, my mom held me.
My parents sought out the help that I desperately needed, provided unconditional love and care, and stormed the throne of Jesus on my behalf. After time and pain, I slowly began to recover and reprogram. When I started to go back to school, my parents were with me. I would not go on my own. I walked into school the first time for one hour. During that hour one of my parents sat outside of the building waiting for me. That one hour turned into two, three, and eventually the whole day. My parents never left. Periodically I would peer out of my top floor classroom window to spot one of my parents sitting in the car. They were always within reach. They were always visible. Whenever I peaked out, I knew that they would faithfully be there.
Although they had so many other important things to do, life to live, responsibilities to fulfill, money to make, they sat in the elementary school parking lot seven hours a day. They sacrificed it all for me. They showed me steadfast love more than I’ve ever tangibly seen. When that little girl didn’t know how to cling to God as her refuge and safety, she clung to her parents – parents that led with love, never forsaked me, and immovably kept their promise to be with me. My parents were God in the flesh to me.
This is God’s character: He is always with us. He does not leave. His love is unwavering. He is our refuge. He is embracing you in your fear, in your panic. He is visible. You look through that window and he is there. He is affectionately gazing at you and thankful that you rely on him. He is love. He is strength. He is peace.
Now God has turned that timidity, wariness, and fear into confidence, strength, and fearlessness.
Thank you Mom and Dad.
