Nine months.
Nine months where I left all my friends and family to travel the world with people I had only spent 10 days with over the summer.
Nine months where I thought I would change the world.
Nine months where the Lord actually changed me.
Yes, I had a blast, but that was not the point. I had so much fun and enjoyed my time travelling, but that was not the point either. I did ministry, but again not the point.
The point was the Lord gave me another chance.
A chance to come back to him.
It was him drawing himself closer to me.
He gave me the choice to draw closer to him.
I did.
The best decision I ever made.
Because he redeemed me.
But to redeem me he had to wreck me. He struck me down to build me back up. He tore me apart to mend me back together. And it absolutely sucked. But it was the kindest thing he could ever do, and he did it because he loved me too much to keep me where I was at. He put to death all that was earthly in me. Stripped the dirt and shame and guilt away, and left me with forgiveness, grace, mercy, and love.
He drew out who I really was. Who I really am.
He granted me the freedom to be truly me in him.
To be truly me around others.
Most of all though, the Race was his gift to me.
This time last year I was a heartbroken girl who thought God hated her. Hated her guts for what she did to him. How she spit in his face and left him for another idol. But instead of leaving her, he gave her the race. He gave her something she could not do on her own strength. He gave her mercy and grace to extend unto others. He gave her patience to love on kids who did not speak her own language. He gave her empathy to understand the people who lived in poverty.
He gave her the space to choose him.
He gave her the space to rediscover how much he loved her.
He gave her community.
He gave her people who loved her for her. He gave her people who chose her and continue to choose her day after day. People who point her to the Lord in everything they do. In who they are. Now she doesn’t just have new friends, but brothers and sisters.
He gave her himself.
He gave her life.
So no, the race didn’t change me. God did. The race was space given to my fellow racers and I for him to use and for us to choose. You can go on the race and not choose to be intentional at ministry. To not choose community. To not choose the Lord. It is possible. But thankfully most of us chose those things. Chose to drink from the Living Water rather than from our broken cisterns. And we are not the same.
I am not the same.
And I refuse to go back to old habits. To go back to choosing death over life. To choosing the things of the world over choosing the things of the Lord. I have tasted too much life and goodness to turn away. Death is not an option anymore.
Only life.
Only Living Water.
Thank you to those who have followed my blogs all the way through this journey to those who have maybe only read one blog. I am very grateful for you. You are appreciated and valued. Don’t forget it. Thank you again. Much love.
-Kyla Cal
