So my last blog was about how I want to fight for the Lord because he fights for me and that it is a choice (If you haven’t read my last blog, you should go do so). So about an hour after I wrote that blog I sat down with the Lord and was real and honest with him. Honest about how I was actually feeling even though I didn’t want to feel that way. How I have these desires that I view as bad, but desires the Lord has put in me.
The desire to be loved, to be pursued, to be wanted, to be seen.
Desires that the Lord has too. He wants to be loved, to be pursued, to be wanted, and to be seen. And he desires that from US. He wants us to love him and pursue him and want him and see him for who he really is. And the thing is I can offer that to him. We all can.
The Lord revealed something to me. There was a reason why my past relationship didn’t work and future ones won’t continue to work if I keep believing this. You remember that big lie I told you I believed? The one about how I believe I am not enough? Well, it’s actually true. Hold on, I know what you’re thinking. That definitely isn’t true. The answer is also yes, that is not true. Before you get too confused let me explain. Don’t let me lose you here because there is something bigger on the brim.
I am not enough. I am not enough for people because I wasn’t made to be enough for people. I was made to be enough for God. In my past relationship I was trying to have him fill the void in my heart and he was doing the same to me. But God made me realize something, that void in our hearts, it’s God sized, not human sized. So no man or any person really is made to fill the void in my heart. Only God can.
And here is the crazy thing, the thing that has set me free:
I WAS NOT MADE TO BE ENOUGH FOR ANYONE EXCEPT GOD
So why am I trying to be something that I wasn’t made for? I was made for God, and because he sent his son to die and be raised again on my behalf, I AM enough FOR HIM. I am enough for the Lord. And that is all I will ever need. Why am I striving to be something that I already am? And if I am enough for God, then I am more than enough for people even though if they show I am not, I KNOW that I am.
For so long I always let boys and people hold the power over me to tell me my measure of how enough I am. How worthy or valuable I am. Well, today that begins to change. Because I wasn’t made to be enough for people, only God is. God is more than enough for every single one of us. There’s a reason why nothing and no one else can seem to fill that hole in our hearts, because that hole was made for God. We are made by him and for him and that sets us free. That is who we are. That makes us enough.
“For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities-all things were created through him and for him” -Colossians 1:16
