The other night I was driving home from work, and mused about how strange it was to be behind the wheel again, after the 10 long days I spent at training camp in the middle of nowhere Georgia, with only minimal access to technology.
It was really strange to be driving again, pushing the pedals and putting on my blinkers and turning the wheel. It felt foreign, to be in control of the car. But it felt really nice too. Knowing that you’re in control of where you go, how you do it? It’s fun, and actually kind of addicting. Whenever me and my sisters have to go somewhere, Kate always insists on being the one to drive. Especially when you begin to approach becoming an adult, it’s hard to give up even the littlest bit of the control you’ve gained over your life.
When I first started work, my mom or dad had to drop me off because they needed the car, and it was the most embarrassing thing. I really hated it, and I was always really frustrated when we’d roll up and one of my coworkers was outside and could see me getting out of the car. I had my license, I was 17, and I couldn’t drive myself to work? I hated looking like a kid, like I couldn’t take myself places, or take care of myself. So whenever I was able to take the car to work I felt accomplished and proud, like I was really an adult. And driving home that night, in control of myself and the car, allowed once more to choose for myself where to go and what to do, I felt a little exhilarated at being able to control my life again. Behind the wheel, I felt powerful. And for a moment, I didn’t want to ever give it up.
But then I had a thought.
For the ten days of training camp, I had given myself over to God. For Him to take care of me and lead me where He wanted me to go. I had given him the wheel of my life, and He didn’t disappoint, leading me to amazing adventures, invaluable friends and leaders, and a fantastic spirit of trust.
But now that I was home, I had a choice to make.
Do I continue to let God have control of the wheel of my life, or do I take it back simply because I’m “back” in the normal world? It’s easy to let God have control when we’re at a spiritual retreat, or at church. But when we’re back, at home, with our other friends and our normal life, it’s so easy to revert, to take back control of our lives, to get back behind the wheel. We as disciples of Christ have to fight that. It the easiest thing to rely on God when you’re in a different unfamiliar place, but we have to fight to give up control in all situations, not just the difficult ones. Satan exploits our human desire for control to trick us with a distorted satisfaction that comes from making our decisions, to conceal the goodness that can come from allowing God to lead us where He wants us to go.
We must fight to abandon our grip on our own wheel, to relinquish what we think is best for us and entrust ourselves to God. We must fight the false satisfaction of sitting upon the throne of our hearts, and find the true satisfaction that comes when we allow God to direct our thoughts, actions, and hearts. We must fight to delight in sitting in the passenger seat while God takes the wheel and steers us toward the great plans he has for us.
