I Don’t Want to Pray

This month’s ministry in Thailand is not at all what I pictured. Here are a couple of my thoughts on how our ministry would look like:

My team and I would be so on fire and share the love and hope of Jesus with many men and women in the red light district every night. We would come back with amazing stories of how we changed a person’s life. Have deep conversations and see a life changed right in front of our eyes. See the joy of a person when they see that they are deeply loved no matter what’s been done to them or what they’ve done.

Well, that was not at all what happened and I set a pretty high standard. We came to Thailand and now it’s our 4th day of ministry. So far it has consisted of an open schedule, and due to many reasons we are not able to do ministry in the red light district. I was crushed because I wanted to do ministry there badly and have that experience. Instead we were given the freedom to make our own ministry. Which can be good and also not so good.

My team and I have been doing a lot of intercession (prayer) and seeking the Lord in what He wants us to do here. We’ve attended monk chats, talked with strangers, and helped prepare for Awakening (a World Race Event). Although we’ve been doing a few things I personally felt like I wasn’t doing anything. Prayer was specifically feeling routine and seemed like a todo list. Through frustration and feeling useless, the Lord spoke and brought attention to the importance of prayer and my identity.

Last night the Lord brought people into my midst who were seeking prayer, and I was like what, prayer again? I asked the Lord to tell me what to do because I honestly didn’t want to pray. Through that feeling I felt a bit of shame for not wanting to pray. That night the Lord opened my eyes a little bigger. We were brought to the top of a hotel that overlooks the city of Chiang Mai and sitting there with three Thai believers, one man from Indonesia, another from Poland, and another from Austria. We also had five racers, which included Dani, Chelsea, Amy, Raph and me. Each of us are from different states, which include: Arizona, Texas, Michigan, Kentucky and California. The Lord brought us all together in one place to pray for each other, the country of Thailand, and for the city of Chiang Mai. The Lord was telling me to pray because I need Him and nothing is possible without Him and what I say does not return void.

He alone is the root of our ministry and is the one who will carry out our mission.

So many realizations happened and it felt like a slap in the face. I realized I was placing my identity in the ideas of mission and not in the Lord. I was shaming myself because I wasn’t seeing a tangible outcome, the Lord doesn’t call us into shame, but conviction. I was depending on myself to bring hope and love and was not depending on the Lord. I realized that I wasn’t trusting the Lord in His plans. Wow, it’s crazy how quickly we try to control things and not see the value of certain things. Through it all the Lord still tells me He is well pleased with my prayers and He hears me and loves me! He is also telling me to step into obedience with ministry and that includes Evangelism. Stay tuned for my next blog.

 

Quick story of how our teammates met the Thai believers:

Amy our squad mentor and Chelsea our squad leader were waiting to get a cab and three times they were denied. So after getting denied three times (lol Jesus got denied three times by Peter) they decided to go into a nearby cafe and at the cafe they took out their bibles and decided to read and talk about the word. The owners of the cafe overheard them talking and the owners asked if they were missionaries. Amy said yes! Then they started talking more to the couple who owned the cafe and was encouraging them, Amy and Chels also left encouraged. The couple invited them to a prayer meeting that night. Amy and Chels told my team about it and that’s when the Lord was calling me into more prayer.

So amazing how the Lord perfectly plans things to happen and it always points back to Him.