Well here we are. It’s month 8. I’ve traveled to 9 different countries in 8 months. Before this year, I had never even seen the ocean before. Before this year, I had never known that I like to be by myself a lot. Before this year, I had never known what a realtionship with my heaven Father even looked like.
The Word says that when we humble ourselves before the Lord, he will give us a new heart, and we will start to live in the spirit rather than the flesh. I know none of this probably makes sense to you unless you’ve truly experienced it. I read a million blogs before the race. I never knew and I’m still learning what it looks like to have a relationship with him. I think I can tell you what it doesn’t look like.
A relationship with God doesn’t look like going to a building twice a week.
A relationship with God doesn’t look like lifting up your hands and reading words on a screen.
A relationship with God doesn’t look like someone telling someone what they should be doing in order for God to love and accept them.
A relationsip with God doesn’t look like posting pictures on social media of good things that you did.
All these things is what my relationship with God looked like before this year. I keep telling my mom that I’ve changed so much but it’s hard to explain how. I don’t even know exactly how I’ve changed myself, but I know that I have. I know that difference between going through the motions and pressing in. I now know that God isn’t JUST God, but my heavenly FATHER. My Papa. My Dad. My provider. My best friend. My protector. My strength. My breath.
I know now that a relationship with the Father is wanting to spend time with him and not feeling like it’s a chore.
I know now that a relationship with the Father is being honest with him.
I know now that a relationship with the Father is giving him the glory instead of myself.
I know now that if I want to look into the Father’s eyes I should just look into your eyes.
I know now that a relationship with the Father is loving EVERYONE, even if it’s hard. Especially if it’s hard.
Everyone keeps asking me how I’m doing and I don’t know how to answer them. I’m doing very well. I just don’t know how to say what’s happening inside of me. And I think that’s because it’s not of this world the things that are happening inside of me. And I think for the first time… I’m okay with that. I’m okay with that because I know that God is never going to let me down. I know that my Father keeps his promises. I know that whatever is happening inside of me is good even if I don’t understand it, because I’m finally accepting the spirit and trying to reject the flesh.
I don’t know if this blog even makes sense to you. Most of the time I don’t even make sense to myself. But this is what I’m learning right now. It’s not a pretty blog with a theme and pretty paragraphs and pretty grammar and words. But this is what’s true.
Love you guys.
