“I feel stuck. I feel disconnected. I feel lost. I feel lazy. I feel prideful. I feel confused. I feel purposeless. I feel tired. I feel undisciplined. I feel like I’m walking up a huge mountain with the peak view in my line of vision, but I’m not physically able to get there. “ – Katie Bouchie (two weeks ago)
There was a shift. It was as if a hurricane stormed in and shook my heart to the core. I would name this hurricane, “Hurricane Teacher Jesus.” His guidance blew like the winds, His words struck like lightning and His love was the calming eye of the storm.
Wilderness week will forever be a reminder of how I should live my life.
Isaiah 40:3-5 “In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; and the rough places a plain. And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”
We hiked 30 miles in 4 days. We had our full pack filled with: 3 gallons of water, 4 cans of chicken steaks and/or tuna, 2 carrots, trail-mix, a couple energy bars, pb&J’s, chicken dogs… a tent, a change of clothes and our bibles and journals.
Day 1:
We hiked 7 ½ miles of mild terrain, through the forest of the Bosnian Mountains. We laughed, we talked about goals, we walked confidently, we gazed in His beauty of the trees (they’re actually so cool) and we stumbled upon an open field covered in wildflowers with a cabin tucked behind the trees.
We praised Jesus for that cabin, the fire, and a safe-ish place (there was a beast sniffing my tent…) to rest.
I sat by the fire that night and got lost in its flames. The wind would blow; the flames would rise, and then return to a deep smoldering burn. We would put in a wet log (on accident) it would get smoky, then dry out and get even hotter.
I wrote:
“God I need your breath in my heart. I’ve had a couple wet logs but God your fire can’t be put out. I want your wind to spread this fire in my heart.”
Day 2:
We woke up at 8 and started our trek. We followed the markers that lead us straight up the mountain, approximately about 1000+ m high. We hiked another 6ish miles that day. They were 6 hard fought, prayerful miles in the midst of a rain cloud. There were fearful giggles, tears, weak legs, walking sticks but more importantly hearts that were being shifted.
We sat in a meadow on the edge of the mountain for a quiet time and this is what I wrote:
“I will never be able to explain the intensity of what we did. Three miles on the TOP of the mountain ridge, crest after crest, rock after rock, we climbed and stepped. My body was so tired and the wind was so heavy as it whipped past us. Lord the whole way I just prayed, every step I prayed for your guidance and protection, asking to be in constant step with your spirit. The moment I looked up, is when I’d take a wrong step and stumble. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
In that moment I realized we are always on a mountaintop but it doesn’t mean the experience is always peaceful. Along the way we get the views, peaks and beauty but we can’t forget the in-between, the mundane and the rugged terrain. Where the wind is out of control, there’s an unexpected hailstorm and life is just plain HARD but still worth it when we’re doing it with Jesus. It’s the only way.”
Night 2, we slept in the only “valley” we could find. Everything was wet, it was 45 degrees and Caley and I didn’t bring sleeping bags… So we took turns being little spoon. We didn’t sleep and every 30 minutes one of us would shiver and flip, hoping it would be warmer on the other side. Needless to say it was one of the worst nights of my life. BUT I survived.
Day 3
We woke up stiff as boards and prayed for somewhere warm to sleep that night. We continued our hike of 6ish miles through the thick fog, mountain tops/crests. In between prayers, tears, “get me off this damn mountain” whispers, there was joy, beauty and hope in our eyes.
We stopped to collect ourselves and to look at a map that pictured a little house in the middle of the forest. We prayed and prayed it’d be a hotel that would have free wine, cheese and hot showers (that was pushing it, lol).
BUT after 5 hours we started descending from the peak and into the forest, rounding every corner with hope. I SAW IT. It was THE mountain hut. It was unlocked. It had a wood-fire heater.
He gave us a cabin to sleep warmly. We rejoiced, we hugged, we cried, we laughed, we ate all our chicken dogs… (lol) and we burned all the wood we could find and slept in peace. It was an amazing night!!!
He answered when we asked. He provided.
I have been constantly striving to build this mountaintop experience and it’s as if once I got up there, I didn’t know what to do. Because I AM NOT strong enough by myself. The only way to stand strong against the heavy winds is with our protector and pioneer, Jesus.
I was walking the crest of this mountain with hurricane force winds trying to blow me off. I was begging Jesus for wings or strength to get off that mountain. I didn’t sprout wings so IT was only by His strength and protection that we successfully made it.
That’s it. That’s the irony of it all.
I was begging for a mountaintop experience and little did I know it became LITERAL and I was scared to death. BUT once I got it. I realized I never want the mountaintop experience unless Jesus is walking before me, beside me, and behind me.
Everyday is a new mountain with Jesus and we can choose to keep our eyes and focus on him or we can get caught distracted and blown off course.
After this week; I feel free. I feel reconnected. I feel found. I feel re-energized. I feel purposeful. I’m learning discipline. I feel awakened. I feel joyful!!!!
I love you God!!!
Love,
Katie B
