I feel strong.
Physically, my body feels and looks the healthiest it has ever been.
I do crossfit every day. I run. I eat super healthily (unless cookies are involved).
On the outside I can be a very confident person. I’ve never dealt with any type of shaming, criticism, or ugly comments about my body.
BUT internally it’s a constant battle. I can be self conscious, worried, and self-judgmental.
I KNOW Psalm 139:13-15 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
So why do I catch myself standing in front the mirror everyday, looking for ways to improve my body. Why do I find myself obsessing over what I eat? Why do I fixate over making it to the gym, or going on a long run? Why do I justify my excessive thoughts by claiming it as my “passion to be healthy!?”
There’s a difference between passion and idolizing.
At training camp I realized I went from being passionate about treating my body like a temple to a process I began to worship. Living holistically is having an even balance in your physical, spiritual and emotional health. I needed balance. So I asked Jesus into this space with me. I asked for balance and a purpose in my passion for a healthy life style.
To our surprise… I forgot about this moment (NOT). BUT God didn’t and I’m thankful He gives no cares and speaks when He wants/ where He wants.
Because today was another important day in God’s classroom, Location: The Gym.
I had just run 4 miles. Our workout was hard. 5 rounds of 20 wall balls, 10 box jumps and 400 m run. I was tired. But I’m competitive so I agreed, knowing it would be a tough workout.
On my second round I started thinking of ways I could cheat and do it half way. I started giving up. But my competitive nature came out, so I immediately began positive self-talk. What came out of my mouth weren’t my words. They were Gods.
“Don’t quit. Push through the pain. Don’t give up Katie. It’s not about how far you can push your body. It’s about giving everything you have to ME. You don’t do things half way, because I want 100% of you.”
It’s a hard-hitting, graceful collision of thoughts when God speaks.
I started thinking, “What am I going to do on the race when I want to give up on a hard person, like I want to give up on this hard workout? He spoke again, “You’re committed to doing these workouts FULL OUT because they correspond to how you should be committed to doing MY ministry: FULL OUT. You quit on these workouts, you quit on ME. Just do it.”
When life is ministry and ministry is life, everything starts to makes sense.
This life style isn’t about making my body better for my own glory. It’s about giving 100% of myself to God and trusting that there’s an eternal purpose in how He is pushing me. There’s a purpose in my passion to lead a healthy life style. There’s a purpose in my passion for pushing myself mentally and physically past the point of giving up. There’s a purpose in my passion for competition.
If you know me, you know I don’t give up. I like to win. I’m competitive.
I’ve always wondered why humans are competitive. (Even if you don’t like to admit it, we all are, in our own ways. It’s biblical.) We are wired to win and now I know why. God gave us this mindset. Our competitive nature isn’t for ourselves. It has, is and will FOREVER be for the advancing of His kingdom.
1 Corinthians 9: 24-27 (MSG) “Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally. I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line. I’m giving it everything I’ve got. No sloppy living for me! I’m staying alert and in top condition. I’m not going to get caught napping, telling everyone about it and missing out myself.”
I needed this lesson. My passion for competition and a healthy life style isn’t negative. It’s how I was made. It’s how God wants to use me. It’s how he can effectively communicate with me. I now understand how to be healthy in a way that’s honoring to God.
I need to humble myself daily. Remind myself that my body isn’t mine. When I gave my life to God, I gave him everything. I gave him my heart, soul, thoughts, actions, love and my body.
So now when I stand before the mirror, I will be reminded to look through my Jesus goggles. I will see myself as beautiful. I will see myself as strong. I will see myself as His.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “You surely know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
I strive to be healthy because I’m a vessel for God.
When the world tries to convince us that healthy is “looking” a certain way. Remember that our LOVING God just wants us to be healthy so we can walk in His fullness.
God, your team is the best team. Thanks for choosing me, I love you too!
– Katie B
