Can I be honest with y’all? I hope so, because here goes….
I DON‘T WANT TO GO!!!
When I tell people that I will be going to 11 countries in 11 months I hear all about how amazing this will be! I get told that I am a “special person” and that I am going to have a blast. People say that this will be the adventure of a lifetime. That I will make friends and make memories that will last me forever!
While all of these things are true. And I wholeheartedly believe them, this is not what I think about! I can’t seem to get so many other thoughts out of my head. I find myself hyper focused on the fact that I will be stalling my life by going.
I will be stoping my progression in my career. I put in my resignation papers at work the other day. I am giving up a contract for a career I have worked my entire life to succeed in. All I ever wanted was to become a teacher. This has been my dream since I was in grade school! I achieved this drean and have been teaching. I work at a great school in a great county with great people…. and I am walking away!
I will be risking my friendships. I can’t expect my friends lives to stop while I am gone. They will continue living and moving and experiencing without me! They will fall in love and out of love. They will get new jobs and new friends. They will continue on in their lives and grow. We will both grow and that very well may be in different directions. All my friends are going to experience things and I will not be around to talk to them! They will move in with new people and I won’t be there. They will experience loss and I won’t be there. They will be navigating marriage for the first time and I won’t be there. They will begin dating the person they one day marry and I won’t be there. They will make new friends and I…. I won’t be there! I won’t be there for any of it.
I will be giving up persuing relationships of my own. I may meet Mr. Right and have to leave the country in a few months. I will have to decide if he is worth waiting for and he will have to be willing to wait for me. I have to forgo relationships while on the trip. Eleven months of no dates, no butterflies, no feelings, and no relationships! It’s going to be at least 18 months (7 months until I leave and 11 months on the trip) until I can love again!
I will be leaving my family. While I am gone my family will be moving out of my childhood home. I may be saying goodbye to some loved ones for the last time. There will be birthdays and holidays that I will be without them for the very first time! I will want to call my mom when I don’t know what to do in a situation. I will want to call my dad when I need help with a job. I will want to be around family as each one of them goes through life changes. But instead I will be leaving for 11 long months. I have always had my parents as my number one support system and place to crash when I need to. I won’t be able to escape into their arms for 11 months!!!
I will be giving up custody of my sweet puppy Eve. She has been my sidekick and baby for 3 years now. She cuddles me every night. She meets me at the door with a tail wag and a kiss when I get home from a long day! She is playful and loving when I need it and sweet and cuddly when that is needed too. She has become my favorite part of most days and I will miss her so very much!
So yeah….
I DON’T WANT TO GO!!
But….
I AM CALLED TO GO!!
Mark 16:15 “He said to them,’go into the world and preach the gospel to all creation.’”
1 Chronicles 16:24 “Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds to all peoples.”
1 Corinthians 10:31 “Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
When it comes down to it the only thing that matters is God is on my side in this adventure! I prayed and asked him for guidance. This trip, The World Race, is what he led me to. The World Race was placed on my heart. If it is his will it will be done. No matter what seeds of doubt are being planted in my head His will and His love will remain in my heart. That is all I need to make this trip into the amazing and wonderful journey that I know it will be. I find my peace in Jesus! He knows exactly why I need to be on this trip and exactly what good will come of it. He already has my path laid out and therefor I can have peace that there is no need to fear!
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
And….
I WILL NOT BE AFRIAD!!
