Birthdays are always a strange day for me. There always seems to be this idea that it’s not that important. I mean to be honest it’s always been just another day. This year while in Honduras seemed to be no different. On the race you have this incredible community that would basically do anything for you to enjoy your “special day”. I got asked multiple times what they could do and how they could make it special. But per usual I responded with a typical “whatever you guys wanna do, I don’t care too much, nothing special”. I mean don’t get me wrong, happy birthdays, hugs, and an “I love ya” are always greatly appreciated and I for sure would never turn them down. It’s just as I get older I have lost the urge to plan a day solely around myself. I think spending the year traveling the world and meeting people who are hurting, broken, or struggling on different levels has given me the perspective to just truly appreciate the things I already have whether big or small. I truly didn’t feel like I needed anything. I made the decision this year to live for and serve others. It seemed contradictory to me to ask for something in return. Also I recently sat down and tried to describe myself, what I came up with was “someone who desires to love those around him, yet doesn’t feel he deserves to be loved”. But there’s something about God’s character that’s been revealed to me this year. We try so hard to bless Him, appreciate Him, be intentional with Him. Yet he constantly one ups us. So many days this year I have spent trying to bless others, yet each day I walk away feeling like I was the one who was blessed. So many days I spent trying to minister to others, yet I felt like I was the one who got ministered to. I had this desire to change someone’s life, yet the only life I know for sure that got changed this year was my own… This is exactly what happened this day on my birthday. Surprising I know..
We were blessed to have the opportunity to do ministry that day. So it being the last opportunity on the race to do so with my community I jumped right on board. We loaded in the bus and headed to a small village to put on a feeding program. Thinking it was going to be adults, yet to our surprise upon arriving we come to find out we will be visiting the local school. A huge smile comes on my face. Children’s ministry is my jam, “Thanks God”. It’s almost like you knew what I actually wanted for my birthday. But this was really just the beginning. We arrive and instantly get these extremely welcoming powerful hugs from every child at the school. We make it into the gate and the friendships begin. Learning names, trading off tickles and laughter we play in the school yard for a few minutes. We then gathered them into the classroom to share a bible story and a message. Which was followed by lunch time, and a few piñatas for the kids. They hung up the first piñata for the boys and our translator, their teacher, turned and gave the stick to me. “You go first Birthday boy..” (I didn’t even know she knew it was my birthday) Before I gave it a few swings all the children sang “Happy birthday” to me in English and Spanish. It was at this moment that the feelings of “I don’t deserve this, We came here to minister to them and here I am being made the center of attention” began. They enjoyed there piñatas and our time here was coming to an end. After all the fun the teacher says to us “The children would like to pray over you, can you gather in the middle”. We stood there as their little hands were pressed on our backs, and the softly whispered in Spanish to God. I wouldn’t have admitted it then, but I was fighting back tears big time. The feeling of these little hands humbled me. We are no more qualified to minister, love on, pray for, or point them to God then they are. The teachers wanted a big group photo so we all went outside and posed. After the photo she said “Oh we have one more surprise for you, sit down on the ground and close your eyes, it’s a tradition here in Honduras.” The kids all said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” And then one by one four of them smashed eggs on my head and all began to giggle… It was honestly incredible. I stood up with a smile on my face and before I could turn and say a word I was surrounded by a dozen kids hugging me so tight saying “Feliz Cumpleãnos”. It was at this moment I realized, okay, maybe I did want something special for my birthday, and that something was exactly this. I proudly walked onto the bus with raw egg still running down my head onto my ears and face, I didn’t lose a smile the whole ride home..
I’ve learned a lot this year about the importance to ministering to myself. But it wasn’t until the very last day did I begin to realize its okay to let others minister to you as well. Even if those people are 7 year old children. Over these 11 months I’ve begun to realize the goal is not to be the one who blesses, not to be the “savior”, not to be the life changer. The only one who deserves any of those Titles is God. We simply “Love Because He First Loved Us” 1 John 4:19. It becomes just a continuous cycle of Love. I for some reason thought it was my job to love, not to receive it. I couldn’t be more wrong. It took being loved on my birthday by a random group of elementary schoolers to realize this.. I was scared by receiving love I would be made the center of attention, but I wasn’t. In Gods eyes were all the center of attention in our own individual way. The day I didn’t want to be about me wasn’t about me. It was about Him. Yes it is our job to spread love to others but it is not our job to deny others the opportunity to love us. That’s the beauty of love, there’s no qualifications or rules, it’s a universal act that allows God’s presents to be seen. So I guess my conclusion is instead of fighting the idea in my head that just because I walked away from ministry feeling like I was the one who was ministered to doesn’t mean it was a failure. It means God was the one who was ministering to everyone, not me ministering to others. We need to drop these titles and just love while being loved. To recognize the beauty in the simplicity of Love whether given or received. While allowing God to be the one with the titles. Because at the end of the day, were all just humans with the desire to be Loved.
