I used to be ashamed of my perfect little testimony. Thoughts of, “why do these people get to have all the fun” always running through my head. In true form I became proud of this perfect little testimony of innocence, turning it on others in my head. Of course, how was I supposed to know that humility precedes honor and pride comes before the fall. I was not in the word.
Unaware of my surface level relationship with Christ and how I was living from a place of works, that perfect little testimony turned into one that would garner shame. It’s funny how things come full circle. This full circle from shame to pride and back to shame brought me to a point of repentance, and from my knees I handed that shame over to the man who died to take it on.
I know at this point some of you are shocked. What, John David isn’t perfect? I know yall, I was shocked to discover this for myself. Yet there I was my senior year of college, having failed a class necessary for my internship with my top 5 accounting firm. School hadn’t been that hard since 3rd or 4th grade, when I was struggling with dyslexia, doing homework later into the night than a kid should have been. At least then I had my mom or dad next to me helping.
Its funny how God uses every good or bad thing we’ve ever done to reveal more of His glory, take us on journeys we never imagined, and bring us into deeper intimacy with Him. Needless to say, I kept my internship in Houston. It was undoubtedly a season of growth in the Lord. In that season while becoming found further in Christ, I became lost in myself.
When I first brought up doing the World Race my mom was the first to recognize that I was lost. This is my first time to admit she was right (she’s always right). I was undoubtedly lost, I had fixed the gospel to fit my life rather than allowing the gospel to transform it. I had placed God in a box and confined Him to a Bible on my nightstand that laid dormant. I was lost because God was breaking those walls down as He came after me and I couldn’t see it or even understand it.
So here I am. Sitting in a cafe in Japan. A country riddled with shame and grief, and I see that part of myself for the first time in a long time. My heart is for them to come into relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I want them to have their shame stripped away and replaced with the honor that comes from the love of their savior.
It is funny that it took me until now to see the full scope of the shame I held inwardly for so long. Wow, God can interrupt our plans in the best way. My advice… let Him. Let Him take away those things you hold inwardly about yourself. Let Him fill you with His truth and love. It can be a tough process, because it will involve going against what society teaches us. The freedom that follows is worth it. Knowing and being known by the Savior and King is… well I invite you to learn for yourself!
Got to spend an afternoon at the beach in Japan. It was cold, but worth it. I’ve got 4 more days left here in Japan before leaving for Taiwan. Prayers for safe travels and open hearts of people we meet along the way!
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalms 16:11
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26
In His hand are the depths of the Earth, and the mountain peaks belong to Him. The sea is his, for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land. Psalm 95:4-5
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Psalm 19:1
