It is crazy to think that I’ll be going home next month. In less than 50 days I will see all of my family and friends. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I was a little nervous to go home.
I’ve been on this journey with the Lord for the last 10 months or so, and I have changed. But does that mean that I am going to come back a Saint? No.
What exactly will you think of me?
“Does she perform miracles now? Does she heal the sick? Is she some professional public speaker now?”
I still dislike public speaking! But now I have more faith in the Lord to come through and comfort me in my time of need. Because of His faithfulness throughout these past few months! I’m not sure how to feel or how to convey what all has happened over this season of my life. I’ve grown, but in more ways than can be seen.
My teammate Averi wrote a wonderful blog about this topic not too long ago. I think she captured the essence of what I’m feeling.
Take a good read and enjoy:
”…I have a fear that I am going to let you all down. Maybe you thought I was going to come back “holier” maybe you thought I would be more of the same as when I left. Whatever you hoped I would be I hope the person I really am doesn’t disappoint you. Before I come back I want you to know who I think I am, and hopefully you can be proud of that and not what you might expect me to be.
Through the past eight months I have realized that a lot of my time on the race hasn’t really changed a lot of who I am outwardly, but changing a lot of who I am on the inside. The Lord has broken me down more times on the race to humble me, mold me, and change me for the better. I am learning how to be more confident because the Lord has made me to be bold and willing to do the uncomfortable. I see people because I asked for him to break my heart for what breaks his, and in order to do that I have to walk with my head up looking at people instead of watching where I walk. I say hi to random shop owners and start conversations with people I don’t know.
I recognize when I am wrong and choose not to argue when I know I am right. I know that it is better to be quiet then start an argument that isn’t really worth the fight. I have learned how to love the bible and read it because I want to not because I have to. I’ve learned how to have conversations with the Lord and not just talk but also listen. I have learned that my opinion and voice is important, and there is a better way to speak to people then to raise my voice. I have learned to love the unlovable and see the broken. I have thought a lot about how I can love better at home and how to show that I care. I want to be more engaged with others and more dependable.
I may not look or act holier, but I have changed.
I have the fear of disappointing any of you, but I believe that the Lord has made me to be who I am suppose to be at this point in my life, and I hope that makes all of you proud…”
To read more of her blogs, check out AveriAdams.theworldrace.org
I look forward to coming home and catching up with everyone! My prayer is that your expectations of what I may or may not be is halted. Realize that I just lived a year of life just like you. What has the Lord been doing in your life this year?
