Before you start the World Race, you think that everything will be great–that all ministries will be fun.
Here’s the truth…it’s not. Sometimes you don’t like ministry, but you have to choose to push into it anyway–for yourself and for the ones you are serving. Sometimes you are asked to do things that are outside your comfort zone; you have to do it with a smile on your face. Sometimes you don’t succeed, and that’s okay. Sometimes you have to take a break every hour to pray for strength and energy, and then spend your lunch hour fasting because you don’t feel like you can make it–but you do. Sometimes you have to ask your teammates for help, even though it feels like a sign of weakness. Sometimes you have to help your teammates do the very thing you are struggling with.
I’ve learned something important this month through all the struggles:
I’m not meant for this!!
I’m not meant to be an elementary school teacher, and I’m 150% happy about it!! I struggled to control the classroom. I cried in the principal’s office on many occasions (our hosts, Abigail and Calvary). I escaped during most breaks to pray for strength and energy. The whole month, I felt inadequate and uncomfortable. I felt like a little kid that was trying to help, but the parents kept “fixing” all the errors. I struggled with sensory overload on most days.
I struggled so much with the action of ministry that I stopped focusing on the heart of ministry–to love the beautiful kids. Instead of loving them, I was frustrated because I couldn’t control them.
But here’s a truth: just because you do it for a month on the World Race doesn’t mean you are called to do it. I’m not meant to be a teacher in this setting, and I’m grateful that the Lord made people who are meant to do it!
Through the struggles, I’ve learned to seek the Lord in the hard times and to lean on those around me. I’ve learned to be joyful for the opportunity vs allowing the circumstances to weigh down my emotions.
While the month was frustrating and exhausting for a handful of reasons, I see the Lord’s hand in it, and I’m grateful that He never gave up on me.
