As she spoke and laid her life bare before me, she found a space to nestle into my heart. In revealing her story, I felt a closer connection with her. We didn’t share completely similar experiences, but I could relate to the feelings that those experiences evoked. The confusion, the anger, the unforgiveness.
She confessed to questioning God.
I have always viewed that as a strength. It’s an honest response to feeling the sharp edges of a broken life. I have to be able to lay out my questions before Him and not be afraid of the answer. There seems to be a shame attached to these questions. If my hope is in Christ, if I truly believe in God and His promises, why would I question? Where is my trust? But I believe these questions don’t challenge God, they challenge doubt. It’s proof faith is living and breathing and wanting more. It’s a willingness to be fearful and lay that on Christ. It’s a willingness to be bare and expose unearned pride. Before I can be vulnerable with others, I have to be vulnerable with God.
From a past journal entry: Sometimes all I can do is be real with God about my pain. “Where are you, God?” “Why would you let this happen?” “Why do I even believe?” But God can handle my honesty. He desires openness from me. And in being vulnerable and honest with God, I start to heal and soften.
