I was in search of a mentor in preparation for my missions trip. I was praying for a space to intentionally unpack my story and to process through past and current struggles.
In the process of seeking out a mentor, I had two people in mind.
There was a woman at my church who was kind and honest and lighthearted. I trusted her advice. We shared good conversations and served together in small ways. But she was not someone I was exceptionally close to.
And then there was Gift. One of my favorite people in the world. I grew in the faith with her as an older sister in Christ and loved her undoubtedly.
The choice seemed simple, but the longer I thought about it, the more I hesitated. I found myself leaning towards the woman at my church. It seemed easier to ask her because there was less to lose, less at stake.
I may have grown up with Gift, she knew a lot of my story already. But there were still things I kept inside that I hadn’t shared with her or anyone. I was haunted by the fear that if she knew more of me, she wouldn’t love me. Or at the very least that love would change, it would be spoiled with pity or the sense of needing to fix me.
But that was an unfair thought. It showed how little I trusted in her love, that it couldn’t stand against my flaws. I should want someone I love to know me. Sounds simple, but it didn’t make it easy. It’s hard to let someone know who you really are, it involves the risk of rejection. But she deserved the risk.
And so, I asked Gift if she could mentor me in preparation for my missions trip. It has been a few months, and she has responded to my guilt and shame and insecurities with absolute grace and love.
