The Bible tells us that something happens when we invite God into our heart.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 1 Corinthians 5:17
I prayed to receive Christ when I was five years old at Vacation Bible School in Wilton, CT. It was sweet and innocent and I didn’t know what it truly meant. I hadn’t really lived enough life to have much “old” pass away.
I was baptized in middle school with my brother with a bit better understanding of what it meant to invite Christ into my heart. I also knew that I wanted to do whatever my brother was doing and if I got baptized then I could finally partake in communion with the rest of the church. Once again, I hadn’t really lived long enough to have much “old” pass away.
Over a decade later I found myself very far from the middle school girl in the baptismal pool. I found myself even further away from the little girl innocently accepting God as my own personal Savior. I found myself looking at over a decade worth of wasted time, mistakes, regrets, shame and shock at how quickly I let myself slip away.
I was baptized a second time in a dirty kiddy pool in Gainesville, GA less than a year ago. I knew what I was doing. I knew that I was coming home and that God was promising that I am a new creation and that the last decade of my life would pass away. The new had come.
But, what happens when you’re smacked across the face with the old? What happens when you walk into a hostel in Malaysia that reminds you of all the wasted time, every mistake, all your regrets and the shame that followed? What are you meant to do with that?
I can’t pretend to understand the inner workings of my creator. I can’t sit here and tell you exactly what God’s plan is for me. I can’t tell you exactly why God has me in the belly of the beast of my past.
I can tell you that God has brought me through everything that is my past. God reminds me that He was there in the darkest hours of my life. God shows me how far I’ve come. God is constantly washing away that past. God does not hold shame over me, so what right do I have to do that to myself?
I can’t be sure of this, but I feel God is whispering to me so softly in this hostel. There is so much darkness here that used to be where I dwelled. I felt comfortable in that darkness. But, I can’t help thinking of what the last decade of my life could have looked like if there had been just a little light in it. If someone would have come into the belly of the beast that was my life and shown God’s brilliant light on me? How much time would I have saved?
I hear God’s whisper. Now, be that light.
