I’m sitting in this way-cooler-than-me coffee shop in Chicago and about to have a mini panic attack. It’s that all-consuming feeling of ‘what in the world am I doing’?! I’ve had what I thought was a fairly fulfilling life the past three years living in Chicago. I graduated from college, got a job, moved to a great city and have been blissfully financially stable ever since. I’ve gained some pretty awesome friends from all over and finally felt like I was at a place where Chicago is now home. Only a couple of months ago if you would have asked where I saw myself for the next couple of years, I would have enthusiastically said ‘living in my cute little apartment in Chicago’. I had no plans to move anywhere anytime soon. And then comes God knocking on my door trying to mixup all my plans!
God started working on my heart just about a year ago. Nudging me here and there saying ‘Hellooo try out that church, trust me you’ll love it’, ‘Hey go get coffee with that guy, trust me it’ll make you feel so much better’, ‘HI! Drop everything and go out into the world. Trust me, you’ll thrive!’. So, here I am trusting in Him like I’ve never done before. He’s asking me to quit my job, quit a life of financial stability, leave my friends, leave my whole life in this city and telling me to trust in Him that He will provide. God just said, ‘I’ve been preparing you for this, so just get to it. Start living the life I’ve made you to LIVE!’.
It is WAY easier said than done. I like being in control and giving that up has been stressful as heck! I’ve already clocked in countless hours at cooler-than-me coffee shops. Writing lists and to-do’s and researching everything I have to do. I have less than 3 months before moving back in with my parents and the lists seem to keep piling up. On top of continuing my full time job I’ve also go to continue working towards fundraising my $18k. It’s all just seemed so overwhelming and I feel out of control. In it all I’ve realized how much I’ve left God out of my to-do lists. I’ve strayed from keeping Him at the center of all of this. In the midst of trying to stay in control God has been standing by, arms crossed, shaking his head and saying ‘I’m here and I’ll wait for you to remind yourself of that’. I’ve found myself snapping out of it and telling myself, ‘GRACE! God’s got this!’. Time and again He’s shown that too.
Fully trusting in God has been tough, but every time I find myself struggling and finally take a breath and bringing my struggles to God, He has answered every. single. time. Just the other week I was struggling to get in fellowship from Monday to Saturday as I work in an industry that doesn’t seem to have time for God. Just days later I met another Christian in my workplace to find out that she has bible studies before work on Wednesdays. Like, alright God. You’re awesome. Another time I was freaking out, yet again, thinking of the money I have to fundraise and thinking that it’s just too much to ask for help. The very next day I had multiple friends come to me without even asking wondering how they could help me. God, seriously, you. are. amazing. Just yesterday I had a particularly rough day and struggled with things going on in my immediate future, feeling helpless and wondering what God was doing! I woke up to a text from my dad, “‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'”. Like honestly God, you are the absolute best!
I know this is only the beginning of many challenges to come over the next year or so, but I know God has been in the palm of His hands. He’s right next to me every step of the way just waiting for me to ask for help. I’m scared and anxious and wondering what the heck am I doing?! God has also helped give me such a sense of peace and excitement for the future. I keep being overjoyed thinking about what He’s going to do in my life during this time. What is He planning for me? How is He going to shape me? With everything that will be going on over the next four months I will be constant in reminding myself He’s got my back. I’m trusting in HIM!
My mom’s always told me. ‘If you really want to make God laugh, tell Him what you’re planning to do tomorrow’. God’s got some amazing plans coming up and I can’t wait to see what I can do through Him!
