I met her as I was checking out of the Bambuda Castle in Panama. I stopped when I saw her and made awkward eye contact without realizing how silly I probably looked. She was cleaning the other rooms and I did a double glance as I walked by again, but this time I stopped, “Hola, como te llamas?”… “Espinosa” she said.
2 months later…
We are nearing the end of our World Race and making our way out of Costa Rica back to Panama City. On the way we have reservations to meet up with other members of our squad and stay at Bambuda Castle for a few nights. Man I loved that place, and I began to reflect on when I met Espinosa and if I would see her again while I was there.
Reflection:
The first time we were here I cringed as I thought about how I acted. I was a little too flirty because I thought I would never see her again, so it seemed harmless. I thought she was cute, she thought I was cute, and I was just being sweet right? Although I am aware that this is not a good thing, if I’m not careful my personality can come off as flirty. Especially when I am here in Central America trying to “practice my Spanish”.
We all know there’s a balance between being “nice and personable” and being flirty. I have had to thoroughly deal with this conviction while being here in Central America. Sometimes people hide behind this (myself included), “Oh I wasn’t leading them on, I wasn’t flirting” as an excuse to justify flirting irresponsibly. And to be honest, after my conversation with this lady, I was convicted that I was being flirty and foolish. That was two months ago, if I see her again it will be really awkward and how am I going to act? What is she going to expect?
We arrived at the Castle and I forgot about the situation since she was no where to be seen the first day we were there. Little did I know, I was in for a plot twist the next morning. I rolled out of bed around 7am, wishing I could go back to sleep, but my mind was racing. I walked as a zombie to the lobby trying to get my hands on any coffee I could find. As I turned the corner I walked into a lady and said “Lo siento.” She turned around and said, (in Spanish) “Oh Ethan you came back!” It was Espinosa.
In a place of secondary language (Spanish) panic, I agreed to meet her when she got off work that afternoon. She walked off as fast as I bumped into her, all before I even made it to the coffee bar.
This is a story about my date with Espinosa.
I had a quite few hours to gather myself before the “date” and I was getting pretty stressed.
Next I’m going to try to explain my internal processing that was going on, both from the voice of my “flesh” and also from the voice of the “Holy Spirit” living inside of me.
Galatians 5:17- “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.”
Flesh: “Come on Ethan, it will be fun. It’s harmless. You can practice your Spanish, have fun and feel the excitement of being on a date again. It’s the last week of the World Race, you have earned it. You have travelled the world trying to proclaim Jesus to people, just take some time and relax and enjoy it. Besides, it’s only a date Ethan, don’t be so dramatic. It’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.
Spirit: Ethan you surrendered this, you surrendered women as an idol in your life. What benefit will it be to go on this date? If you really loved and cared about her heart, why would you tease it and lead her on just to leave knowing it is not going anywhere? Wanting to flirt is purely selfish, is it not?
Flesh: Yes Jesus, but there is no way to communicate with her to cancel the date, so I can’t just stand her up. And now that I have to go on the date because that’s the gentlemanly thing to do, is it really a big deal if I’m flirty or not? And since it is technically a date, so what if I give her a goodbye kiss, so what if she likes me, is that my fault?
Spirit: Do not try find a way to justify flirting to escape responsibility. Do not act innocent saying “is it my fault if she likes me.” Of course it would be your fault. You are in the position to guard her heart and your own. Do not play dumb or claim ignorance. Do not compromise with sin and then try to justify it. However, as always, I am giving you the ability to choose. But what do you want? Do you want to choose disobedience which leads to folly and chaos. Or do you want to obey My wisdom which leads to peace and life.
I left this internal battle very stressed. Because every part of my flesh wanted to do what “I” wanted to do. But God convicted me and the Holy Spirit was waging war with my selfish desires. Knowing I was feeling vulnerable and weak and that the Enemy was trying to cause me to stumble so close to the finish line of the World Race… I prayed for strength. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would take over and not give my flesh a chance to choose.
I was still nervous reflecting on my track record when it comes to this area of my life. Regrettably I have chosen my flesh a lot more times than I have obeyed the Spirit.
Espinosa met me around 4pm on the balcony outside of the lobby. I had my water bottle, laptop open to google translate, and hyped up ready to set the tone as non-romantic as possible. She looked even cuter than I remember as she entered the balcony. She handed me a package of chocolates and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek hello.Oh gosh this is going to be tougher than I thought. Jesus I need you to show up immediately I’m about to give in, I have no self-control.
Fortunately, she came very talkative, and I took that as an answered prayer. She continued to speak to me in Spanish about many things, which was perfect. I just responded with questions, often asking her to repeat herself, or saying wait, “Type that on google translate I don’t know that word”.
She then asked me what I was going to do after the World Race, and this was God protecting me. Because I can’t bring up my future without bringing up Jesus. I continued as best as I could to explain that I was confident and really excited about serving Jesus in my future! However, I had no idea what I was going to do or where…
Her response was “Wow such great faith you have.” I quickly replied, “No, that’s the Holy Spirit inside of me. I definitely cannot take that credit.” We continued to talk about Jesus after this divine icebreaker. After she talked about her life and her faith in God I really began to feel a disconnect. Her relationship with God sounded so back and forth and so distant. So I asked her a really tough question.
“Espinosa forgive me if this seems heavy, however, what do you think grants you access to enter heaven?”
She thought for a minute then replied from the perspective of obeying the commandments and being a good person and confessing your sins and following the footsteps of Jesus.
To the untrained eye, this can sound like a pretty good answer. However the Holy Spirit inside of me jumped out of my chest and gave me wisdom and understanding of her heart and mind. She was caught up in striving and raised in the practice of “religion” with biblical truths, but missing the main point: a personal relationship with Christ.
After asking more questions and answering gently, but with bold biblical backing, Espinosa began to cry as she said “Wow this whole time I’ve never truly known Christ. I want to be born again and have the Holy Spirit live inside of me like it does you.” At that moment Espinosa prayed and asked Jesus into her heart and to receive the Holy Spirit. She was so excited she began to speak way too fast for me to understand, “I have never felt anything like this, the joy, the peace, the everything, it is unexplainable. I must go tell my mom and my sister about this relationship with Jesus!”
After affirming her, I asked what she thought God wanted her to do next. She began to cry and said the Holy Spirit was telling her she needs to forgive a few people in her life that really hurt her. I stopped her and said, “Well let’s do it now, no need to wait.” So once again she started to pray for strength to forgive and continue to forgive people in her life that hurt her and abandoned her. She cried a lot, but had a new found joy.
Side note: And for the record, this is the most someone has ever cried while being on a first date with me. Usually they cry by the second or third date when they have received the full arsenal of my lame puns and cheesy romantic pick-up lines.
We continued to talk for two more hours about God, going through verses together and me trying my best to explain to her that it does not stop at being ‘born again’. Jesus wants us to ‘abide in Him’. Trying my best to give her practical applications of what that looks like daily.
After all of these emotions and God showing up to answer my prayer, I began to feel tempted again. I felt as if “Okay I’ve done my job and now I just want to flirt.” But I quickly knew that was my flesh, and who was I to spit on what God had just done. Who was I to pervert the message of the Gospel and which I was the one God used to share it with her? Although I decided in my heart to stay strong and not flirt, it was crazy how strong the temptation was to ignore wisdom and flirt!
It was nearing 7 pm and Espinosa asked, “Oh are you hungry, there are some good places to eat around here.” Immediately I knew I had to choose. God already gave me the strength for the first part of the date by not even giving me an opportunity to flirt, but now He allowed me to have the choice to obey or not.
“Espinosa,” I said hesitantly, “I’m not going to take you to dinner. Yes I think you are a pretty girl, and yes I would have a lot of fun with you. However it would just be selfish. It would just be doing what I wanted to do and not guarding your or my heart. You just received Jesus and have obtained the greatest joy to ever be found. You don’t need me to interrupt that, you don’t need some guy passing through to be all flirty and make you feel good for a night just to leave and make matters worse. I’m sorry, but the Holy Spirit inside of me says no, and I hope you understand.”
Scared to death I began to panic as she waited in silence for 30 seconds, which seemed like 30 minutes. She then begin to type on google translate (making sure that I would understand since she knew my Spanish was very flawed).
Here is what she said.
“cuando una pareja se cita para una conversacion nunca es para algo bueno como lo que hoy recibi siempre tiene un doble sentido y por eso te digo que lo que hoy acaba de pasar para mi fue muy importante y es una cita que se que no fue con Ethan sino con DIOS y te entiendo perfectamentame lo que me acabas de decir.. es mi punto de vista la mejor cita que e tenido.”
English Translation below:
When a couple gets together for a conversation it’s never for something good like what I received today, it always has a double meaning and that’s why I tell you that what just happened to me today was very important and it’s a date that I know it was not Ethan, but with GOD and I understand you perfectly what you just said to me .. in my point of view the best date I had.
With that, I ordered her a taxi and hugged her goodbye. God bless you Espinosa. I pray that this is just the beginning of a lifelong journey with Jesus where God will use you and your family in a mighty way for the kingdom.
