Hi all. I hope all is well with everyone. Just a short recap of the last week. My team and I have finished up our time in Puerto Lopez, and have moved to another city closer to Quito, Quilotoa, where we need to be next week. We have a conference that we’re going to and looking forward to it. That will cap our time in Ecuador and then we will head to our 3rd country after the conference.
For those of you who read my blog last week and are interested in seeing what I did to honor my grandpa, here’s what we did. When my family was in Florida for spring breaks, we would sit on the balcony of their condo and watch the sunsets. My grandpa was always so in love with them and thought they were the most beautiful things on the planet, next to my grandma. He would sit out there for hours just admiring God’s creativity. 40 years of sunsets, and every single night was a different one. More often than not, we would watch the sunsets while eating ice cream/dessert of some kind. Those were some of my favorite childhood memories. So, my team and I ate ice cream and watched the sunset on the beach in remembrance of my amazing grandpa. It was a small way to remember him, but it was great to experience that with my team while telling them about the man he was, and how his impact in my life is still affecting me even two years after he passed.
Before you read the following, this is very raw emotion, so just go forward knowing that.
One day last week during our team time, we were handed a $10 bill by our team leader and told to pray about it’s use. Our team leader had to stay back to do some work with the other team leaders, so I was the only one in the group to know Spanish. We found ourselves at a local coffee shop praying about it. We felt the Lord calling us to purchase bracelets from local stands to give away to people. While we were walking around the city, I was one of two people on my team who can speak Spanish, and this particular day, I was the only one who knew enough Spanish to converse with the locals (shoutout to my high school and College Spanish teachers/professor!! A HUGE thank you to you!!). I was able to translate what we were trying to do. I can count the times in my life where I have felt needed on less than two hands, so it felt amazing to be needed, “even if it was only for my Spanish” I joked. I vocalized that to my team, and my teammate, Grace, said something I will probably never forget. She said, “Em, you’re not just needed, you’re wanted here. Like we want you here, not just for your Spanish, but because you’re you.” Thank you, Grace. That meant more than you will probably ever realize.
I recently heard this song called “Use Me Too” by Jonny Diaz, and I’ve realized it’s been a prayer that I’ve been reluctant to pray. It talks about two stories in the Bible. David and Goliath, and Mary and Jesus. Whenever God uses people in the Bible, it’s always for something extraordinary. Surely I don’t possess the capabilities needed to carry out something great. That’s been my thinking up until this point, anyway. It’s still a work in progress, honestly, but nothing changes overnight. I don’t possess them ON MY OWN, but when I team up with God, I most definitely am. In the song, David was equipped with a sling and few stones to take on a giant. Mary was about 12 years old (give or take a couple years), and she was used to bring Jesus into the world.
Recently I’ve been having doubts about whether or not I am ready enough for this trip. I need to stop listing the reasons why I think I’m unqualified to do this work and start coming up with reasons why I am qualified. Sometimes I feel ill-equipped to do the work I’ve set out to do, sometimes I feel jealous of other people on my squad who have these incredible moments where they get to share the Gospel with someone, or jealous of people who see things happen that only have one explanation: God.
David thought he wasn’t ready, but he was willing, and he took down a giant. Mary didn’t think she was ready, but she was willing, and she brought forth the best thing that could have ever graced this earth- God in the Flesh- Jesus. If God can use these people, and many, many others, then He can use me, too.
With a willing heart, a yes in my Spirit, and faith that He doesn’t call the equipped, but rather He equips the called, I am willing to pray this prayer of “Use me too”. I’m willing to, because I have faith that He has called me, and during this journey, He is leading me through the equipping process. It’s not always pretty, but the end result is going to be exactly the way God wants it, and in the end, who could argue with that?
So. God. I’m here. Use Me Too.
