40 days and 40 nights. That’s all that’s left of my time on the Race.
I remember two summers ago working camp there was a day we’d focus our bible study on the story of Jesus being tempted in the desert. Before His temptation He had fasted for 40 days. And still withheld all temptation. I remember thinking how long 40 days was. Now, with just 40 days standing between me and my people, my home, and my food, it somehow feels even longer.
We’ve had a lot of free time this month, which has made the days stretch on. 40 days might as well be 100. I feel myself coming home from ministry, sitting, hiding in my room and just waiting to eat or sleep.
But it’s not what I want! A lot can happen in 40 days. I may not be in control of most of it. Ministry may not be what I expect or the Lord could rock my world. Regardless, there’s a lot I am in control of.
I’ll be real honest. I’m tired. I miss home. I have days where I just dont wanna do world race culture anymore. But what I know is that the Lord doesn’t desire this new lifestyle of mine to end in 40 days. The “race” I am supposed to run with endurance is just life, christianity, a relationship with Christ. I don’t want to go back and fold; just collapse back into old ways and habits. I know that if I push even farther, even deeper past norms and comfort zones, if I push again into hurts and confession, He will bring me new joy, new strength, new peace, new passion. He’ll give me things I couldn’t reach in my current space.
So I wont settle. I wont sit. I wont check out. I won’t wish this season away because home will be there in 40 days. I’m pushing in. I’m looking to things I’ve held onto on the race and in this month and I’m giving them to the Lord. I’m giving the time those things filled to Him so that I can hear His voice loud and clear. I’m giving them up so I can thrive not just survive the end of my race. I’m seeking Him to set new norms and new boundaries for a new season of life at home, that starts in 40 short days. And now, I’m writing those things down because that makes them real and people will be holding me accountable even when I REALLY want a comfort from home.
• No Netflix downloads – I’ve been binge watching shows. Bet ya didn’t think that was possible on the race. Well. It is! And it’s a hard one for a lot of people. It’s an easy escape to a different place. But also my computer overheated and died this week so looks like I womt be watching anything without a friend.
• No processed snacks (unless offered as a local treat by my host)- ya girl gets hungry. So a banana or peanuts wont hurt. But I have spent a lot of money eating pringles and mountain dew this month because I just miss chips…. I’ve gone crazy on the few options that taste like home. It honestly makes me feel like crap because I’ve gotten so much healthier the past 10 months!
• No phone games – if you know me this is a big deal. I’ve tried to stop twice on the Race. Its rough. I fidget even when I’m watching movies or talking to people. I’ve reached an unhealthy level on two dots… But I’ve downloaded books and even bought one in Bulgaria. I want to read them!
• 40 day word fast – a bible study plan on my phone. I don’t know what all it entails yet but praying into being aware and cutting out words of negativity, complaint, comparison, criticism…
• The Dawn Watch – prayer. changes. things. This may not always happen at dawn but I want to spend time praying for people/situations by name. I don’t know exactly what I’m going home to or what it will look like, but I know desires I have for situations, relationships, and ministries. And I know I can voice those to my Father.
• Reading the Word – every day. Period. Its something I’ve definitely grown in on the Race, but not 40 days consistent. I want to want it. I want to crave abide time.
So there it is. Feel free to join me (solidarity sister) or check in and encourage me! I give you permission to hold me accountable… in grace and love please.
I hope my last 40 days are some of the strongest on the Race. I hope they shake everything up. Pray I remain steadfast. Just pray for me in general.
I see y’all on the flippity flip.
