One of my favorite things that God does is reveal Himself in big ways, through just a few words or a tiny interaction. It seems to happen a lot on the Race. Usually it’s pretty obviously from the Lord. He used someone to convey a message I’ve been wrestling with, that they’ve known as truth for a while.
It happened again this week.
A couple of us had decided to have a worship night after a pretty heavy session of training on the sex trafficking industry. RJ was just playing his guitar and singing. I didn’t know many of the songs so I got to really listen to the words. He was talking about God lifting our chins to look at Him and started singing again. And then it happened. He sang,
“You don’t want me on the ground.” AH. WOW.
I know. Simple.
But my mind started running 100 miles a minute.
Last month’s hike was a struggle. I was scared of nearly everything and did a lot of questioning the thought process of AIM staff and the Lord himself.
What kind of crazy person thought I was capable of climbing this mountain?
Who thought it was okay to put me on this cliff?
But I remember having this moment of revelation on the trail.
God didn’t want me to die, or even get hurt. He wanted me to get to the people and share love, and He wanted me to get back, to go to the 8 other countries, to finish the Race and get home to my family. So I needed to be wise, but He would be there and protect my every step.
RJ brought me back there, and then the Lord brought me farther.
How often in my life do I just say why? What are you doing this for? Even when I was sick earlier this month, I was asking God what is the lesson here? It was with good intention for the record. I really wanted to know what He could possibly be trying to teach me. But Shannon reminded me that sickness is not from Him nor does He want me to be sick. He may use it for good, but it wasn’t His desire.
So what are His desires for me? And what would it change in my life if I started speaking truth and love and absolutes over my life instead of questions? Questions lead to more questions, and often they go unanswered leaving us fearful, uncertain, and discouraged. Don’t get me wrong. Questions have their place and they help us learn. But in trials, or especially situations that seemingly won’t be resolved immediately, why speak questions when He has given us 66 books of solid truth?!
I think it’s time I changed the way I pray. It’s time I pray from a place of solidity, victory, truth, and love. I may not know what is going to happen or why it’s happening, but I know He is good. I know He loves me. I know He wants good for me. I know He has the plan.
So here’s a glimpse into my new prayer life. Bear with me, I’ve had some pretty selfish, insecure thoughts lately.
Instead of praying: Lord I’m lonely. I feel abandoned, unwanted, and not even considered.
I will pray: Lord you want me to live in community. You have called me to be a friend. You are my confidant. Craft my heart to be a safe place, so that people feel welcomed in my presence. Help me to seek out those also needing friendship. Open my eyes and direct my steps to the community you are calling me to.
Instead of praying: God I feel dumb. Why do people brush me off? Are they ignoring me or am I just wrong? I know I’m learning a lot, but maybe it’s just not time for me yet. How much more do I need to understand about you before people trust my judgement and let me speak into things? Am I actually even wise or am I just repeating what other people have told me?
I will pray: God, you say I am wise. All of my knowledge comes from you and you alone. Thank you for speaking through others. Lord give me opportunities to share the way other people have shared with me. Help me to be an encouragement, and a person that leads people to a deeper understanding and intimacy with you.
Instead of praying: God why haven’t you stopped the hurting yet? Why are there still people consumed by poverty and hunger? Why on every corner here are there men and women so stuck in buying and selling people? Why are you not rescuing these girls?
I will pray: Lord you love so deeply. Thank you for being a father to the fatherless. God you desire freedom and restoration for everyone. I know your heart is breaking along with mine, so allow me to be a vessel of love, truth, and light. Prepare me to be a warrior, battling for your will to be done. Help me to trust in your timing and keep me alert and aware at all times so that I can make a constant impact on the hurting world around me.
There will always be questions. They are somewhat inevitable with a God that cannot be defined. I’ll never know it all. But I will hold to what I do know until He chooses to reveal even more to me. I will speak from a place of victory, because the Lord has conquered the world. I can wait for Him to help me overcome it specifically in my life, because He has given me enough love and truth to convince me of His goodness and desire for me.
“And in time, I’ll let you in on everything I’m planning. When it’s time, I’ll let you see everything you’re asking me. When it’s time, you will know why there are things I’m hiding from you. But I’m gonna satisfy everything in the meantime.” – Jess Ray: In the Mean Time
