“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 17:9
Why is it that time after time the Lord speaks Truth to us and we still walk in ignorance and unbelief?
He says we are good; we call ourselves unworthy.
He says we are free; we run back to our chains.
He says we are new creations; we live in shame.
He says we are forgiven; we wait for condemnation.
It’s because of our heart. The Lord made us emotional beings with so much purpose. We can empathize, love, mourn, and have joy. But He never meant for us to be ruled by our emotions. It’s when we let our feelings lead that we forget the Truth He calls us to live by. The load of what we feel, outweighs the words we know to be true.
There is a piece of my testimony few know. It’s not my favorite thing to share, but before I left for the World Race I prayed that the Lord would allow me to use it to speak life into others because of how far He has brought me out of it.
He already has (because He’s good).
The past month we stayed in a home for girls who honestly have just had it rough; abuse, neglect, poverty, and all the above. I wanted to open up about how the Lord had restored my broken, messy heart and was using it to teach me about the depth of His love and forgiveness. Of course, He led me to a friend with a nearly identical story. Not only had we been through almost the same thing, but we shared a very similar fear in the aftermath.
We knew the Lord wasn’t spiteful, but still we felt afraid that He would call us to miss out on a desire and a blessing later on in life, because we hadn’t yet received a lot of consequence for this thing we felt was so horrid. We had asked forgiveness over and over, and never gone back to this place, but the guilt remained.
As she shared her fear with me I remembered the number of times I had wept over the same thing, terrified that I would never receive something I loved and longed for, because I deserved punishment.
I paused for a minute in our conversation, honestly so grateful for what my Father has been revealing to me over the past year. I know I never have to go back “there” with that sin. But I didn’t always believe that. I had said it to myself over and over and I couldn’t absorb it. I didn’t feel forgiven. It wasn’t until someone spoke directly to me and prayed that Truth back over me that I walked away from the chain the Lord had already broken off of me.
I wanted her to walk in this weightlessness, so I shared the Truth with her and I want to share it with you.
The Lord wants good things for you. He created us to be joyful, full of praise, and walk in communion with Him. He wants your life to be a celebration of His majesty. His will, is for us to be with Him and bring others to Him. But we step outside of this will, sometimes a lot. We disobey the guidelines He set up as security for us and choose to live life with ourselves as rulers. This is sin.
Sin has consequences. Scripture says the wages/payment/punishment of sin is death. The death it’s talking about is an eternal death and separation from the Lord. However, sometimes our sins have more earthly consequences. For example, sex outside of marriage may lead to a pregnancy outside of marriage. This can obviously turn into something beautiful, but it may be more difficult or disrupt plans the Lord had for you. The baby is not a bad thing, but it does changes things. Earthly consequences are often like a cause and effect. You do something, and naturally something else is going to happen. Not necessarily punishment.
Scripture says that the punishment for sin is death. However, in the very same verse it says that Christ took all that punishment from us.
“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23
As I was talking, another verse popped into my mind (thanks God).
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
God is just. There is punishment for sin. There has to be. But God is not a 1 for 1 type of guy. The thing that often sets God apart from others is that there is no “balance system” in His love. It keeps no record of wrongs. There is no list of things we have to ask him to erase one by one. We don’t have to work to do enough good to outnumber the bad things we did each day. He took all of them in one moment on the cross. If Christ took all of the weight of death, don’t you think He can take all the other stuff, too?! If He took the weight of death from me, the scriptural punishment of my sin, why are we waiting around for more?!
If you walk with Christ, walk in freedom. If you still feel weighed down by shame and guilt, fill yourself with His truth until you hear His voice over your own feelings. God sent His son for us because He was desperate to be back in communion with His people. He doesn’t want you to spend your life cowering or mourning waiting for His wrath. If you’ve asked forgiveness, and surrendered your life to Him, look up and see His face. He’s smiling, radiant with pride for His child that’s returned home to His presence.
I don’t love where I have been and what I have done every moment of my life, but I know that without what I have gone through I wouldn’t have understood the depth and magnitude of God’s love for me and desire for me. He mourned with me, wept with me and held me in my brokenness. But now He dances with me, rejoices with me and teaches me every day. I still stumble, obviously. I am still utterly human. But I am no longer overcome by my sin. Each slip or wavering moment is a time the Lord uses to grab my hand, show me more of who He is and who He created me to be. I can share my story with more confidence each time because I grow in the assurance that I am an entirely new creation. I know the character of the Lord: He forgives, completely. I can find purpose in the part of my story I hate the most, which is just proof to me that God will use anything for His glory.
