I started writing this blog in month 6 as we drove down the bumpy roads of the Himalayas far, far away from our incredible host family. Since then, I have fallen in love with 4 more host families. Heading into our last month, I thought now would be an appropriate time to finish the blog and share with you how I feel about goodbyes.
And without further delay, I present to you, my heart…
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Another month has come to a close. Which means we get to say goodbye to yet another wonderful family. Ten months in and it never gets easier. It is the same cycle over and over again. I hate it. I love it. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Cycle breakdown:
- Get a Ministry set up sheet before getting to the country explaining what Ministry will look like. Everyone is a stranger to each other. Email communication is formal and professional.
- Initial meeting at the airport/bus stop/hostel/host’s home. Friendly but a little awkward. Usually we’re exhausted from traveling either 24 hours or a few days (depends on which country we’re leaving/arriving in).
- First ministry day. Generally goes great. Everyone’s hyped. We become familiar with the host. Maybe slide some jokes into the day. Foundation of friendship is laid in place.
- One week down. Friendship foundation takes root! We’re all best friends! Our host is now our father/brother or mother/sister figure. Goodbye hasn’t crossed our mind.
- Two weeks in. This is life. These people are our families. No way are we leaving. You can’t make us. Prayers might look like “God please call me to serve here after the race.”
- Three days until departure. “Say it ain’t so! I will not go! Turn the lights off! Carry me home.” I like to pack at least 3 days early to ensure my pack is as organized as possible and to start preparing my heart/mind. This method helps to cushion the blow of heartbreaking goodbyes in the days to follow.
- Two days until departure. Why did I sign up for the world race when I could have just signed up for long term with them?! This sucks. Take all the pictures. Don’t waste time sleeping when there are lasting memories to be made!
- Departure Eve. “I’m so excited to see the rest of the squad tomorrow.” This is a classic distraction method I use, similar to the early packing. It distracts from the hurt that’s about to hit you like a wrecking ball. It also prepares you to feel joy knowing that the adventure continues and every end of the month has a silver lining.
- Dooms day has arrived. Wake up. Have your last quiet time in the spot you made sacred knowing it would only be your sacred spot for a short time. Drag your feet up and down the walkways, up and down the stairs, anywhere you could possibly walk in the most dramatic fashion. At this point, the rest of the team has decided to pack too. So everything is a bit chaotic. Good. Let the chaos in. Leave no room for tears. Leave no room for thoughts.
- Dooms day part two. Load up, it’s time to move out. Pray over your hosts and let them pray over you. Swap inside jokes and laugh together one last time. The people you have come to trust, admire, love and let into your life, are now the ones you need to say goodbye to knowing that there is a very strong likelihood that this is the last time you will see them on this side of heaven. You drive off and leave yet another part of yourself at yet another home and pray that they understand the impact they have made on you. You pray that you left them feeling empowered, refreshed, and ready to continue their ministry.
This adventure is unlike anything I have ever done before. It allows me to leave parts of my heart all over the world. By the end of the year, my love will be scattered in 11 new countries. I have met many people that I have come to know and love over the course of this year. Every time I leave a country, my heart breaks a little more. God has shown me what His healing hand can do, though. No matter how hard it is to leave each person, He always mends me right in time to give it away again to the next host. People are not replaceable. No host is better or worst than the one before. They all hold such a precious, irreplaceable spot in my heart that cannot be undone. God has expanded my threshold for love for His people. He takes me deeper, teaches me how to love more intentionally and shows me who each person is in His eyes.
The goodbyes are so painful. But they are painful because the relationship is so sweet. God has blessed me with a years worth of hard goodbyes because He has blessed me with a years worth of unforgettable faces. Thank you to everyone who has welcomed us into your family, cared for us, brought us into your ministry and allowed us to be a part of your life. You have generous hearts of gold and are the epitome of what it looks like to be disciples of Christ and shower mankind in His abundant love.
