First of all, I want to thank you for taking the time out of your day to come to my blog 🙂
The fact that all this is happening completely blows my mind. God is so incredibly good!
Alrighty then, I’d like to tell you about how I’ve been called to the World Race but first I need to shed some light on the life I led before I believed in God, how he found me through my brokenness, and the journey he took me on to guide me here. I’m going to be real and transparent with you. This is going to be a long one folks but it’s important that I bare it all, Here we go!
For close to the entirety of my life I identified as an atheist. I grew up in a divided home where my mother was a strong believer and my dad was a non-believer. I grew up questioning God and because my momma bear couldn’t give me cold hard facts on a silver platter, I didn’t believe. I needed evidence and proof with this scientific brain. She just couldn’t give that to me, because of course then it wouldn’t be faith at all now would it?
So the life I led was pretty self-serving and self-destructive. I mean on the outside everything looked good (soccer scholarships, good grades, and so on..) but internally, things weren’t so good. I had this hole and this part of myself that no matter what I did to fill it, the emptiness was always there. I could keep it at bay with substances and relationships but it was only temporary. I wouldn’t necessarily say I was suicidal but I was very cynical and didn’t understand the point of my existence or existence in general for that matter.
Eventually, the spiritual bankruptcy and brokenness was too heavy of a burden to carry anymore. I had been trying to do things on my own and my way but I finally came to the realization that I needed help. I was given the G.O.D. (gift of desperation). I swallowed my pride and asked for help. This is when things began to change. God was finding me through my brokenness and the things I did to separate me from him without even knowing it.
Slowly people came into my life that were on a spiritual journey too. They were truly beautiful people and I learned so much from them. As I spent more time with these people God was revealing himself to me through them. As the months went by I was having spiritual experiences, that’s when I could feel my heart and my mind were beginning to change. It became suddenly obvious that God was undeniably real and I couldn’t help but want to seek him. I wanted more and the more I sought him the less I wanted to lead the life I was living before and the more I could feel the hole I had was beginning to heal.
I had gotten into a relationship with someone who helped me find God and it was being revealed to me that relationships were idols that I used in place of God. Eventually, God showed me through the gospel and a good friend and incredible human being named Dani who had the patience and took the time to read it with me, that this relationship was toxic, and I needed to put all of my faith in The Lord who will never let me down. After the relationship ended I wanted to give my life to God and make that commitment. I met with a special and lovely woman named Carolyne who pointed me towards the gospel and helped me understand the meaning and importance of baptism. I was baptized at Resound Church in Hillsboro, Oregon on November 29, 2016.
Abruptly after my baptism I was on my way back home to Winnemucca, Nevada to work as a Dental Hygienist for the dentist I grew up going to. It was an absolute blessing and God was continuing to work his magic. My dad took me to a church he knew I would like (after an upsetting attempt to find a church on my own) and immediately I felt home. My heart felt full, I felt goose bumps on my spine, I knew I was in the right place. After this I poured myself into this commitment with God and met some incredible mentors and friends (Chelsea and Jen, I’m talking about you :)). I continued to seek Him and became a member of D3 Church. I starting going to community group (*Anderson group shout out*), helped in the Kids’ Ministry, and tried to get out of myself.
For a while I had this strong desire and excitement about continuing my education and going to Dental School. As this “dream” unfolded, doors were obviously closing on “Courtney’s Big Plan”. I fought God for a while and signed up for classes online and certainly was being stubborn about the whole thing. Then a succession of events happened where the internet stopped working at the house, I couldn’t understand my instructor’s accent, I was falling behind and was not going to get the crucial A’s I desperately needed, and I was one giant unpleasant stress ball to my friends and family. So I withdrew from classes, surrendered, and told God I was finally ready to do whatever he wanted me to because this CLEARLY was not his path for me at this time.
Several months later I found myself watching 13 Reasons Why. I know how silly this sounds, but if you’ve seen this heavy, raw, and relatable Netflix series you may have felt like I did. For those of you who have not heard of it, it is about a girl who commits suicide and leaves her reasons with the living on tapes she recorded before her death. This series allowed to me to relate to the main character and the weight of the brokenness I used to feel when I lived my life without God. I also felt a weight of knowing in my heart that if we let God fill that hole by seeking him, we wouldn’t have to result to drug/alcohol abuse, and suicide. We live in a broken world and death by suicide, drug overdose, and drug/alcohol abuse (slow suicide) are continuing to increase.
The other thing I felt heavy on my heart when I looked around was that I am SO SPOILED. I don’t have to worry about my next meal, shelter, if someone is going to harm me in the night, disease, if I’m going to be sold into sex trafficking, if I’m going to be taken from my family, and the list goes on. I am ridiculously spoiled. I want to experience a love and a faith in God without the luxury. I want to trust him with things like my next meal, my safety, my health, and my life. I’m ready to give it all for him and His purpose. I am ready to give up all the luxury and safety to be a part of His kingdom and His work if he chooses to use me.
After conversations about my feelings after the show with my friends/mentors I was told about a woman who I reminded them of named Emily who had done the World Race! I then began to research and see what it was. I did the “is it for you” quiz and the results were promising! As it began to unfold I started to feel this on my heart and I needed to learn more and more. I spoke with my mentor and asked her what she thought about me doing it and she said it’s something she wanted to suggest to me but hadn’t yet. So I applied and I thought that if it wasn’t for me that God would close the doors. Opposite of the dental school adventure doors have swung wide open. After the application process, phone interviews, mentor interviews, etc., I got the call on June 23rd 2017 that the door for the World Race had opened! I felt humbled, undeserving, and extremely grateful for this new journey and this leap of faith with my Father.
Thank you so much for reading and for your love and support 🙂
