And We Will Come Back Home [Again] - Explore Archived World Race Alumni Blogs

I was inspired to write this blog by my fellow racers who worded it better than I could myself, so this is a combination of their words and my own feels on coming home…

30 days ya’ll! 4 weeks. That’s it! That’s what stands in between me and US soil. 30 days stand in between me saying goodbye to the people I experienced this crazy journey with. 30 days stand in between me seeing all of you and squeezing your necks. 🙂

I’m writing this blog to you; to the people at home. I want you to know how I actually feel about coming home and how you can be there for me in a supportive but practical way. I want you to have time to think about this, process, and prepare.

Last August I boarded a plane that would take me on the adventure of a lifetime. The Lord has walked me through many difficulties, and I’ve experienced His intimacy like never before. It’s been one heck of a journey and I’m still digesting the fact that it’s coming to an end.

Let’s rewind a baby bit, to month 8 & 9 (Cambodia & Thailand). This is when reality hit that this way of life I had become so accustomed to would soon come to an abrupt shift. Throughout the past 10 months I’ve been homesick a handful of times; during the holidays and on special occasions such as my sisters wedding and closest friends having babies. Besides this, I actually haven’t had the desire to go home, and would be filled with anxiety when I thought about it.

Over the past several months, as I have started processing going home I feel every emotion on the spectrum. Every single one.

Excitement.

Fear.

Joy.

Nervousness.

Anxiousness.

More Excitement.

More Fear.

I feel it all, and I don’t know what to do. I’m PUMPED to see my family and friends. But I’m terrified to leave the people who have come to know every part of me. I’m terrified to land in America and just.. walk away from them. Alone. They know what I’ve seen, what I’ve been through.. and that’s way too much information to put in blogs. They know what it feels like to live in village after village. They know what it feels like to not have a permanent home. They know what it feels like to meet people you fall in love with only to leave them one month later. You see, there is so much people don’t know… and that’s not because I don’t want to tell you. It’s simply because it’s too much.

Last month in Thailand, my team was blessed with the opportunity to stay with local missionaries in their home for a couple weeks. We got to hang out on their couch, cuddle with their kittens and bunnies, cook our own dinners, play monopoly, and feel normal. It’s the closest I’ve felt “at home” on the race, and the Lord was fully purposeful in bringing me there. He knew the rollercoaster of emotions I had been on at the thought of coming home, then He brought me to a home, and along with it a sense of overwhelming peace about going back to my home. Now, as I’m writing this in Malaysia (month 10), I am full of excitement for what’s to come after the race (yes, I’ll answer this too), and truly ready to be with the people I’ve missed so much. Even though I’m full of excitement and anticipation of coming home, it will be a lifestyle change yet again, so naturally I will continue to feel all. the. feels.

To help with my transition back to the good ole U S of A, please continue reading.

I need you to know this:

I will go through a grieving process. I will grieve this loss. I will grieve the ending of the world race.

Please do not get hurt if I do not reach out to you as soon as I get home. I need to adjust and I need to process and I’m not sure how long that will take. Imagine living in poverty for a year, changing time zones every couple months, getting sick consistently, eating crazy foods, experiencing things your mind cannot even make up, living in community 24/7 and seeing the worst the world has to offer… and then coming home.. to the land of plenty. I’m not going to know what to tell you because I don’t even know what to tell myself. I believe that America will be my biggest culture shock.

Do I need to stay in a room alone for one week? I don’t know. Do I need friends and family to be with me at all times? I don’t know. (probably not, though). Do I need to sleep for 1 month straight? Yes. The truth is, I don’t know what I need from you, but I will let you know. I CAN tell you exactly what I DON’T need.

What I don’t need:

I don’t need people asking me, “how was it?”. I cannot answer that question.

I don’t need people asking me, “how do you feel about being home?”. I will feel it all.

I don’t need people asking me to hangout. This one is hard to explain.. I want to see people, so badly, but I need time. I promise, I love you and I missed you a lot while I was gone. But, I will reach out to you when I’m ready.

What I think I need:

Time. Lots of it. Time to grieve. Time to process. Time to grasp the fact that I just traveled the world for one year and have been to 11+ countries and I did so many things and saw so many things and realized so many things.

Patience… from you.

Grace upon grace upon grace.

Your support. I’m going to need people. I might have a mental breakdown at some point. Maybe by myself, maybe walking around a grocery store.

A listening ear for REAL answers. More times than not, what I tell you about the race will surprise you. I will give you hard, uncomfortable answers because that was my reality for 11 months.

Below, is a list of intentional questions you can ask me about the race. This will also help me process and move on, so to speak. Please don’t be the person who asks “how did it go?” or “did you have fun?”, my answer will probably be just as vague as the question.

Questions you can ask me about the last year of my life:

What did you eat in Thailand?
How did you adjust to the race month 1 in Panama?
What ministry did you do in Malawi?
What is “team time” and why did you have it everyday?
When did you start feeling homesick?
How did you get used to being a part of a “team”?
What was it like to be on a co-Ed team?
How did you feel while living in your tent in Zambia?
Tell me about the first time your team had a fight.
What were travel days like?
Which country was the most difficult?
What was it like to experience squatty potties?
What did it feel like to be a part of someone receiving salvation?
How did you feel when you prayed healing over someone, and they were ACTUALLY healed?
How did it feel to sleep surrounded by rats and chickens in Cambodia?
What did it feel like when you had your first team change?
What was it like saying goodbye to the team you started this race with?
Did you read your Bible everyday on the race?
How many baby wipes did you use on the race?
What was it like being treasurer of your team?
Why is Jaco called the Las Vegas of Costa Rica?
Tell me about your experience volcano boarding in Nicaragua.
Have you gotten sick on the race?
What is a ministry host?
Who was your ministry host in Honduras?
What is “PVT”?
Who are you close to on your squad?
What was a REAL African Safari like?
What is a “debrief”?
What did you do in Thailand/ What is an “ATL” month?
What is a House of Prayer?
How was celebrating the New Year in Malawi?
What does it feel like to live in the bush of Africa with 19 women?
What is a bucket shower?
How did it feel to not have a lot of “stuff”?
How did you survive without yoga pants?
Did you miss your family?
Was it hard being the oldest one on your squad?
How did it feel to not have WiFi for months at a time?
How did it feel to live in Africa for 3 months?
Why did you love Swaziland?
Why was Nicaragua one of your favorite months?
What did you preach about?
How did it feel to preach for the first time, ever?
What is a Tuk-Tuk?
What characteristic of God have you learned about?
Did you get a new tattoo?
How was it leaving each country?
How did you feel when you got your flight itinerary to go home?
How did you deal with community living?

These are just some ideas, if you have other questions about my experience please feel free to ask!

Now, I’ve addressed the first question I anticipate when I get home (“how was it?”), but let me also acknowledge the second question, “what’s next?”

I have been praying for the past 5 months asking the Lord for His guidance and desire for my life after the race. Towards the end of month 6 (Zambia) He planted a tiny seed of a desire to go to graduate school. SHOCKING, I KNOW.

Over the next 6 months I asked for confirmation, clarification, and for His desire to be revealed. He crossed my path with other missionaries who are currently studying for their MA in Pastoral Counseling, which has been my area of interest. A couple of weeks ago I was able to attend a workshop here in Penang for Pastoral Counselors, which was the final confirmation I needed. I prayed. I waited. He kept affirming. All of that to say, I have officially been accepted to Liberty University and will be starting Fall 2019 to earn my MA in Pastoral Counseling!! I am incredibly excited for the next season and in awe of how the Lords timing is always perfect.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Thank you for taking the time to read all of my updates.

Thank you for praying.

Thank you for supporting me throughout the past year.

Thank you for understanding.

Thank you for your grace.

Thank you for all of the encouragement.

Thank you for your letters.

Thank you for welcoming me home.

I seriously cannot wait to see each one of you. But for now, I’ll soak up the last 4 weeks I have in Bali with my race family, and leave you with some cutie pics!

See you soon!

Above: Swaziland Month 7 – Everyday we went to our Carepoint and played in the sunshine with all our kids ranging in ages from baby- high schoolers.

Below: Malaysia Month 10: Exploring Penang Island

Above: Zambia Month 6- Playing Soccer on Sundays consisted of a lot of cheering with the little ones.

Below: Malawi Month 5- Christmas Day with my team, we recorded a fun video for our family and friends.

Above: Zambia Month 6- During this month we lived on the Zambezi River and the Lord gifted us beautiful sunsets.

Above: Thailand Month 9- Tina & Joshua, local missionaries in Pattaya who let us move into their home during our time ministering this month.

Below: Cambodia Month 8 – One of my favorite students of my preschool English class I taught everyday.

Above: Malawi Month 5- Evangelizing in a local village

Below: Thailand Month 9 – Adventure Day during Parent Vision Trip. We went to an elephant sanctuary and played with these beautiful creatures all day.

Above: Thailand Month 9- Celebrating Easter with the entire Squad during our debrief. A night full of worship and praising our Lord in the streets of Bangkok.

Below: Thailand Month 9 – Thousands of Chinese tourists visit Pattaya every day, so we partnered with local missionaries and passed out Chinese Bibles on the pier.

Above: Cambodia Month 8- My wonderful ministry hosts in Cambodia

Below: Cambodia Month 8- Daily bike rides through the village to teach English at a private school nearby.

Above: Swaziland Month 7- One of my favorite precious babies that brought so much light and laughter to my life every day.

Below: Cambodia Month 8- We attended a local Cambodian wedding and were given the opportunity to have the full experience, including full make up and dress.