Do you remember when Mr. Big didn’t have the words to tell Carrie how he felt; so, he sent her emails with the greatest love letters ever written, in them?
If not, thats okay. Don’t mind that reference; the blog still makes sense without it. If you do know what I’m talking about, then that’s how I am with my life. I don’t always have the words to explain how I am feeling or what I’m walking through. So, I look to poetry, music, and occasionally, movie quotes, to piece together how I am feeling, and hope that maybe someone else’s words can explain the depths of how I feel.
These last three months, I have been processing past relationships; specifically, I have been processing my feelings towards different things that have happened because of choices made in those relationships. This blog is a compilation of other people’s words that describe how I feel about four big events in my life. Those four events are two relationships starting and ending and the season I am walking through now of piecing together my feelings about those two relationships.
Before you read this,
For the people who read my blog back home, you know the two people I’ve dated, personally. Please understand that this isn’t about highlighting mistakes people have made. Everyone makes mistakes, and I’ve made plenty myself. Also, everything in this blog is from my point of view. Other people could have different feelings because they didn’t experience the situation the exact same way I did.
To the people involved, this isn’t about me trying to tell you anything. It’s about me telling myself how I feel, because feelings are hard and confusing.
To everyone who reads past this point, this compilation is my heart and the last 3 years of my life on paper. It’s not over dramatic; it’s how I feel. This has been a hard season of life to walk through, and processing these things was hard. But, it’s even harder sharing my raw feelings about my life on the internet for all to read. So, like I said, this is my heart; please treat it well.
When I fell in love with you:
My first love was everything all at once. The kind you never fall back from. Never try to. Never want to. A love so big, so strong, it never dies. Never fades. Never loses its electricity. The kind of love you fight for. The kind of boy you fight for.
-Endless Love
When you never spoke to me again:
The seven things I hate about you,
You’re vain, your games, you’re insecure.
You love me, you like her.
You make me laugh, you make me cry.
I don’t know which side to buy.
Your friends, they’re jerks,
and when you act like them, just know it hurts.
-7 Things; Miley Cyrus
Absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder,
Sometimes it just teaches us that we can live apart.
-Michael Faudet
When I turned to you for love instead:
If they were meant to be in your life, nothing could ever make them leave. If they weren’t, nothing could make them stay.
-Lang Leav
When you never un-broke my heart, and left me to deal with the mess:
The distance from you is measured in how far I’ve come.
-Lang Leav
The mess:
It should be my right to mourn someone who has yet to leave this world, but no longer wants to be a part of mine.
-Lang Leav
Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.
-Unknown
This season has taught me that everyone has a story. Every single person that is reading this has hard things that have happened in their life that they need to process. Courage is contagious. When we have the courage to share our own stories, that’s when other people will have the courage to stand up and say, “Oh my goodness, me too.” That’s where we can walk through healing together. That’s where community is built. And, that’s where the power of the Lord shines.
