The title was how I lived my life. Any sport, any activity, any subject in school, anything. If I wasn’t good at it, I wouldn’t do it. Even trying new things: if I didn’t have natural ability starting out, I wouldn’t work to get better. And when I did have natural ability, I would work my butt off to become the best I could be. In other words, I don’t like being bad at things. I get embarrassed when I can’t get things down. I am humiliated when people laugh at me when I’m learning. I refuse to let anyone see that I am good.
Well that’s not actually how the race allows me to live my life. The things I’ve had (gotten) to do regardless of my talent is uncountable. I’ve spoken in front of crowds, did Zumba for days, learned how to play 3ish instruments, team and squad led, and learned how to juggle.
Some of those things I had natural talent that needed developing, and other things, I didn’t have any natural ability at all. But because I worked to become better, they all now bring me joy because I can actually use the skills I’ve learned for ministry.
I can’t tell you how many times I get frustrated at learning the guitar (ughh that stupid F chord). Or how many times I almost quit the uke for not getting down a new strumming pattern. Or how many times I wanted to say no to public speaking because I felt like I didn’t have anything worthy of being said.
BUT, I kept trying. For the first time in my life, I did things that I wasn’t good at. And you know what? It has brought me a lot of joy.
So this month, the women on our squad are working in a homeless shelter, and I found myself volunteering to be in the kitchen. Well, I cannot cook. I know nothing about the kitchen, and because I’m not good at cooking, I used to not do it. The microwave was my best friend back home. So I volunteered, knowing that I wouldn’t be good but being exciting that it would bring me joy when I got better.
We have done a lot in the kitchen at the shelter. We cook for roughly 75 people or so, and I have a blast doing it. I’ve learned how to butcher a chicken (with the feet and head and everything…), fry the chicken, flip an omelet in the air, chop lots of vegetables (most I have no idea what the names are), taste test for flavor, and make vegetable broth.
I have loved every second in the kitchen even though I don’t actually know what I’m doing. Uncle Ben, the guy who runs the kitchen, is so patient with me. I am so grateful that he wants to teach me what he knows.
Anyway, I may not like initial start of new things, but now I can say that even if I’m not good, I’ll still do it.
