Decisions are difficult for me. What do you want to do with your life? I don’t know. Where do you want to go for dinner? I don’t know. What are you going to wear for the event? I don’t know. I am a terrible decision-maker. Ask anyone that knows me. I would much rather have someone make all my decisions for me than to choose on my own. With all of this said, I want to share the process of my decision to become a racer on The World Race.
The World Race is an 11 month mission trip where I will travel to 11 different countries all over the world. Starting in October 2017, I will do missions in Chile, Bolivia, Paraguay/Argentina, Cambodia, Thailand, Serbia, Romania, Bulgaria, Ethiopia, Rwanda, and Uganda. The trip is subject to change, so right now, these are the scheduled countries, but it may be different in the future. My team will be partnering with local churches and ministries to evangelize and share the Gospel. We work with children in orphanages, minister to women forced into prostitution, and many others.
After applying and being accepted to The World Race, I thought that maybe I should start praying about if the Lord has actually called me to this opportunity. So I began praying that the Lord’s will would trump my own, that I would be able to decipher between my desires and the Lord’s desires, and ultimately, that I would have the strength to follow His calling for my life. For a week, I prayed pretty much the same prayer because I was not getting an answer. Some examples of my prayers: “Lord, I want to know your will. Should I stay or should I go on The World Race?” and “I don’t want to disappoint you, so I want to do what you desire. Lord, open my heart to the possibility of being uncomfortable.” I kept praying and praying and never felt content with saying yes or saying no to this opportunity. So I just kept asking.
One day, my sister-in-law asked if I had made a decision, knowing that I probably hadn’t. I shared with her my frustrations about not getting an answer and feeling like I am too repetitive with my prayers. She told me that she just read through Matthew 26 which talks about Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane right before his arrest and death. Jesus asked that the disciples to keep watch while he goes to pray. Jesus prays this prayer: “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will” (Matt. 26:39). Jesus goes back to the disciples and finds them asleep, so he wakes them and went to pray the same prayer. When He returns, the disciples were again asleep, “so leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again” (Matt. 26:44). Two things that I got from my sister-in-law sharing this passage with me:
1. Jesus prayed the exact same prayer over and over again. Something I could relate to as I was praying about this decision.
2. The Son of God knew that he was going to be arrested and crucified. His own humanly desires were that God take away that responsibility from Him, that the Lord would save him from being the ultimate sacrifice for the sinful man. However, He recognized that God’s will must take place over His own. There will be things that we do not want to do, but if the Lord calls us, we must go.
After reflecting on what my sister-in-law said, I woke up the next morning with a new feeling and emotion toward The World Race. Yes, I was scared and terrified about what I might experience during the 11 months, but I felt peace and contentment with that fear, knowing that I had a huge desire in my heart to please the Lord only. That day, I prayed, “Lord, just bless my trip because I know I’m going.”
So here I am, writing my first blog post, nervous, fearful, terrified, but more importantly excited and eager to serve my God and His beautiful people all around the world. I am at peace with those fears because “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20). I want to share my heart through this journey because I believe that the Lord has transformed my life through this decision. As terrible of a decision-maker as I am, I have never been more sure about a decision in my entire 21 (almost 22) years of life. This is how I know that the Lord has called me to go.
