Would God have sent his son to die on the cross if it wasn’t worth it? What if Christ’s blood didn’t cover all of our sins?
A few months ago at the beginning of month 5 in Cambodia I was working through some things. I was really struggling with the idea that my sins and mistakes are too big for God. I felt like I had used my one “grace card” and from then on out I had to try and live as close to perfect as possible to make up for my past.
I usually connect to God through my thoughts and He gives me words. I rarely see pictures or visions. However, when I do want to connect to God visually, I’m on a motorbike driving through the mountains of Vietnam outside of Da Nang – it’s my happy place. God is on the motorbike with me, HA.
On this evening a few months ago, I went to the mountains of Vietnam in my head. I knew God was supposed to be driving the motorbike, but I was driving it and He was riding behind me, holding on to me. While driving, I was trying to hold onto this backpack and drive. It was a really heavy load that was making it hard to drive the bike while holding onto it.
Eventually after some stubbornness of me trying to balance driving and hold this heavy load, I pulled over. I got off the bike and broke down. I told God, through a lot of tears, that I couldn’t carry the load. I didn’t want to do it myself anymore. I wanted Him. I needed Him. Without any hesitation, He took my heavy backpack, full of shame and guilt and just thew it on the side of the road. He didn’t hold onto it or put it on his back. He just took it out of my hands and threw it to the side. And we left it there.
Then we got back on the bike, but this time God got in the front and I was on the back, holding tightly onto him. We started driving up the mountain, leaving my backpack behind in the dust. As we drove I felt light and free, for the first time in a long time. I was at peace allowing God to drive and I clung onto him. As we came to the top of the mountain, we suddenly appeared at the base of the three crosses.
When I realized what I was seeing, I was too afraid to look. It’s a heavy thing seeing Jesus bleeding on a cross for you. As I looked away, God told me to look. I turned my face, but it was blurry. I couldn’t see Jesus exactly, but I could see his outline along with red. I was overwhelmed with emotion and I looked back to God the Father. He looked at me in the eyes and asked, “Do you think my Son’s death on the cross wasn’t enough to cover your sins?” I was kind of taken aback, hit in the face with what I have been believing for so long. He continued, “If my only Son’s death on the cross wasn’t enough to cover your sins, why would I have sent him to earth only to die? He was my only Son. His blood was enough. If it wasn’t worth it, I wouldn’t have done it.”
That resulted in a lot of tears. Who was I to look in the face of God and tell him that the blood of Jesus wasn’t enough for me. I don’t look at others and their sin and think “that’s too big for Jesus,” so why was I thinking that for myself? Even since allowing God to throw my heavy load away, I have been living in SO MUCH freedom. I am no longer weighed down by the weight of past mistakes, but I am living in the freedom of forgiveness. It’s literally a noticeable difference. Others can see it too.
It wouldn’t be worth it if Jesus’ death on the cross wasn’t enough to cover my sins. And why would God do something if it wasn’t worth it?
Now I just want to invite you to take a look inwards. Do you believe the blood of Jesus was enough for you? I never even realized myself that I didn’t, but if you would have taken a close look at my life you would have been able to see what I truly believed and didn’t believe. I wasn’t living in freedom, but the opposite. I was living in fear of making mistakes and of God. If people look at you, do they see forgiveness and freedom? If not, I encourage you to talk about it with Jesus. Give it to Him. Let Him throw your heavy burden to the side of the road and drive away with Him. The enemy wants nothing more than for you to hold onto that guilt and shame. Don’t let Him win. God is standing with open arms, ready to take your burden and throw it to the side. Give it to Him.
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30)
