Most everyone dreams of the day they meet “the one.” The day your picture-perfect love story begins. When you finally meet the one God hand-picked for you. I know I did…do. But what if I told you that your most perfect love story, one better and more romantic than you’ve ever dreamed of, has already begun?
To be quite honest, a few weeks ago, around Christmas time I found myself in a, what I like to call, “lonely moment.” I would define a “lonely moment” as a moment, where you just suddenly desire a relationship. It could be longing for a friendship, boyfriend or wishing you were already married, or even married with kids. A moment where you long for a relationship that you don’t currently have.
Personally, I’ve had my fair share of these moments in the past, but I hadn’t had any on the world race. It’s kind of hard to feel lonely when you’re living in constant community. Then over the Christmas season probably about 1/2 of the people I know either started dating, got engaged, got married, or announced a pregnancy. That might be a little dramatic, but it at least felt that way. I would argue that everyday for about 2 weeks every time I got on social media, someone else was making some sort of big announcement. It seemed like A LOT of people. This is more than likely what brought about my lonely moment.
However, this lonely moment turned out differently than all the other ones I’ve had before. God totally used it. Usually my lonely moments last maybe a day, then I go to bed, wake up and move on with my life. This lonely moment turned into a lonely week. Again, this was weird. Like I mentioned earlier I hadn’t had a lonely moment in months…6 months to be exact…AND this one lasted for days. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like a depression or overwhelming sadness, its more like a longing for something just out of reach or a desire to skip to the future.
I happened to be journaling when my lonely moment hit. So I paused writing and kind of just sat on my bed confused as to why I was suddenly feeling this way. I was honestly really annoyed about how I was feeling, so I decided to journal about it. I began to ask myself “why” a few times to try and get to the bottom of it. For me, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to feel worthy of being pursued and I wanted to feel chosen. As I wrote that into my journal, I heard God whisper, “I have chosen you and I am pursuing you.” Of course I was like, danngggg Jesus, okay. This is what I wrote in my journal: I need to shift my mindset to see God’s love for me like a love story. He does see me. He does pursue me. He does chase after me. He does choose me. He does love me. He doesn’t overlook me.
Over the course of a few weeks and talking to some girls on the squad about this revelation, I came to the realization that I grasp the Father/daughter relationship with God, but I don’t grasp the groom/bride relationship. It’s really hard to comprehend that someone as perfect and awe inspiring as God loves me. It doesn’t make sense. There’s something beautiful about a love that is so unbreakable, that you can’t comprehend it.
During the same journal entry, I felt God tell me, “You don’t have to have it all figured out or together.” That’s when it hit me, I try and keep Jesus (and people) at an arms length away because I feel like I’m not good enough. The beautiful thing is, that even in my resistance, Jesus was still reaching out to me telling me to reach my hand out to him in return. I decided to reach my hand out back to him and the result has been nothing short of life altering.
I challenged myself to start looking for ways that God is pursuing me each day. To help me, I wrote down what I want in an earthly marriage and husband and started to look for those things in Jesus’ pursuit of me. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t found something. A big thing for me is adventure and these past few weeks in Thailand have been nothing short of an adventure. My favorite example of this was hanging out with elephants for a day – we got to feed them, wash them, and play with them in a river, HOW COOL?! I also desire clear communication and I’ve been hearing God’s voice more clearly than ever before. I enjoy living life and laughter and this month has been overflowing with both.
I feel like a lot of us wait around for our “real” or “best” lives to start once we find “our person” (at least I found myself doing that). We feel like once we get a boyfriend/girlfriend and get married, we’ll feel complete and that the hole within us will be filled. But spoiler alert: that hole is a Jesus sized hole that no human will ever be able to fill. I’m not married, but I’m pretty sure all my married people out there can attest to that. God’s been showing me that HE is my person…and so much more. He’s the creator of the universe and he knows my name, he knows me completely, faults and all, and he still chooses me and he still loves me. That doesn’t make any sense and it’s not supposed to. His love for us is the most beautiful love story ever written.
I love to end my posts with a “challenge,” if you haven’t noticed. My challenge for you would be to shift your focus. Are there people letting you down? Are you feeling forgotten? Are you feeling unworthy? Stop projecting those needs onto the people around you. It’s a Jesus sized hole. We’re all human and we’re not perfect, but I know someone who is. Start looking to Jesus in those low moments. How has he been pursuing you? How is he showing you that he loves you? I guarantee if you’re willing to open your eyes and take a look, you’ll be overwhelmed at the lengths God is going to pursue you and your heart.
Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. Psalm 23:6 (The Message)
