I’ve been out on the field for four months and I want to go home. The World Race is a once in lifetime experience that’s filled with incredible opportunities. I get to travel the world, connect with ministries, and spend time with people this year. I’ve only been out on the field for four months and I’ve already seen breathtaking sunsets, zip-lined through the rainforest, boarded down the side of an active volcano, swam in two oceans and overtop of a volcano, and seen the Panama Canal. I’ve been in seven countries in the past four months and have managed to make a home in about three of them. I don’t know what the key to this whole thing is but I’m certain that I’m not doing it right. My most challenging ministry is the one that my heart misses the most. I don’t know how to be a missionary, I don’t know how to be in this discipleship program either. I just wake up everyday and follow the Lord because that’s all I know how to do. I can’t go home because the Lord has called me to be here. I can’t quit now because the Lord’s not done yet so I have no choice but to keep going. I wake up everyday and fight my way through until I find some joy and I carry it as long as I can until I need to stop and find some more. Everyday on the Race looks different and I think that’s part of what makes it so challenging. Being surrounded by strangers this year that actively choose me by spending time with me, letting me process and cry, and have the occasional mental breakdown has forced me to stop and stare down all the people in my life that I was genuinely invested in that weren’t willing to be what I needed when I needed them the most. This Race is painful and messy and I’m certain that I’m doing it wrong. I know that the Lord has ordained this journey because there is no way in hell that I would be here if He didn’t. I know that I can finish this Race because I know that I can do hard things. Today I’m struggling with the fact that just because I can doesn’t mean I want to. But these are the things I do know:
1. I want to follow the Lord
2. I want to be obedient to His commands and submit to His plans
3. I want to choose the Lord over myself
This Race is incredibly challenging and there are days that I don’t know how I’ll keep going but still I choose to carry on. I didn’t come this far to only come this far. If this is where the Lord wants me then I’m certain that He will continue to make a way for me.
