Let me set the scene.
It’s April 2017, and I am in Arizona. It’s a typical sunny day, in the 70’s when I receive the phone call that would change my life for the next year. If I’m fortunate enough, longer than that.
“We are pleased to inform you that your application has been accepted for the World Race! You will be launching in January 2018!”
Wow! Awesome! This is everything! I’m so excited!! I can’t wait!
Phone call ends.
Wait… this is really happening now. I’m nervous! I will be gone for a YEAR?! I won’t see my friends for a year… I won’t see my family for a year… I am stepping into the unknown… I am scared. That’s a lot of money to raise. How am I ever going to raise THAT amount? Maybe I should have chosen a shorter mission… Is this really right for me?
Somehow within 15 seconds of hanging up the phone, ALL of these jumbled thoughts swirled around in my mind…simultaneously.
I don’t know about you, but for me, $17,700 is not a typical number to throw around when asking for money.
Sure, I like to think of myself as fairly generous. From time to time I delight in taking my family out for a nice meal, paying for a friend’s movie ticket, and giving the homeless a few bucks for some lunch….
But nearly $18,000 dollars?
Who was ever going to give that?
How was I ever going to raise that amount?
Some people don’t make that in a year.
Others in a lifetime, for that matter.
Training camp was scheduled to be October 2017 with only one contingency. The first deadline of $5,000 was to be paid in full one month prior.
The end of summer was nearing, and it wasn’t looking promising. I was working 13 hour days 6 days a week to make payments to my own fundraising account, tenaciously grasping onto the idea that maybe I could provide the full amount myself and that I wouldn’t need any help.
To be brutally honest, for a long time it was really hard for me to look at that number. Coming to the realization that I couldn’t scrape the pennies together before the deadline meant that I had to ask other people to help me do something that I had so strongly convinced myself I should be able to accomplish on my own.
This began a personal process of the difficult, yet necessary decision to lay down my pride. As much as my independent autonomous personality would like to claim that I personally donated every penny to be here… The truth is, I didn’t.
Allow me to digress for a moment. Imagine if I had indeed funded this mission myself. It actually would have created less opportunity to invite people into God’s work. Upon learning more about Jesus’ life, it is evident that He himself invited people into what He was doing, instead of excluding them from it. This concept was once foreign to me; but through this beautiful and challenging fundraising process, new perspective has been discovered. This meant inviting people into the process with me.
After coming to the realization that I could not in fact do it all on my own, the uncomfortable decision of setting aside my pride was the first step in the right direction.
I will spare details… but I will tell you this.
One month before the deadline, someone I had never met before donated $5,000.
Being that we had never met before, they had no idea that was the exact number that was needed as a ticket into training camp.
While indeed this is a hefty chunk of change to donate to a stranger, there also lies something much deeper.
Confirmation.
In the midst of my doubts and feelings of inadequacy, God was affirming that He indeed called me to do this. He was gently reminding a very stubborn Briana that He didn’t bring me to this point only to leave me in the dust.
Although this was a HUGE weight lifted off my back, I shamefully admit that my doubt eventually crept back in over time…. (Did I mention I can be stubborn?)
The following months were grueling throughout the fundraising process.
By January at launch, I had barely made the $10,000 deadline.
I was a little over halfway of $17,700 before leaving America for a year. The selfish part in me was upset. The desire was to be fully funded before being out on the field. The last thing I wanted to do was focus on fundraising while more important duties were calling my attention. Again, selfish I know. But, true.
I wish I could sit here and tell you that once that plane touched down in Africa that suddenly all of the doubts and fears in regards to fundraising magically disappeared and I was instantly at peace on the topic. That is not the case at all. Just because I left, doesn’t mean everything went away. Life here is a lot like life at home. Daily struggles still exist and I still fail every day.
It was a slow, long process.
The final deadline was coming up quickly… April 30th to be exact.
That date haunted me and rang in my ears daily.
With 3 short weeks left, I still had $3,900 to raise.
That is more than what my first car costed.
How was this supposed to happen?
Surely I won’t make the deadline.
How / when is He going to provide?
I struggled with the uncertainty of God’s faithfulness to provide.
I had less than a month, no new plan, no fresh fundraising ideas and no different way to ask.
Then, something miraculous occurred.
In 3 short weeks, He faithfully brought in EVERY last penny, and then some.
To make it even better, He did it on April 28, with two days to spare.
This day also happens to be my Birthday.
He fulfilled exactly what He said He would from the moment the application was submitted.
So first, I want to say that without you all, I would not be here. To those of you that have donated, whether it was $1 or $5,000, anonymous or not…you have invested in something MUCH bigger than me and so from the bottom of my whole heart, I thank you. It is so much more exciting to have you actively be a part of this journey with me. I thank you for your generosity and obedience to God calling me to be here. It is truly an honor and SO much more fulfilling to be able to share it all with you.
Second, the fundraising process was not an easy one, clearly. For several months I faced waves of doubt, fear, worry and anxiety. In retrospect, I have learned a crucial personal lesson (at my own expense) and also a core attribute of the character of God…His faithfulness. This revelation has prompted me to write this blog and share with you so that hopefully you can learn from past mistakes. I don’t know why I ever doubt Him, not even for one second. And to think, in the midst of all the doubt and worry, He still forgave and chose to provide anyway. On the other side now, I feel silly for all the negative energy that was wasted when I could have just put my trust and faith in the Lord.
Maybe for you… it’s something entirely different. Maybe you are terrified of choosing the correct university to attend, which career route you will take, what kind of spouse you will have, who your child will become, that relationship with that one person you can’t ever quite get right, or what retirement will look like because you have no plan.
See, if I have learned one thing about this process, it is that the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness does not depend on our doubts and feelings. His abilities and promises are not contingent upon how we feel. What IS true however, is that He is all-knowing, understanding, forgiving, capable, reliable, consistent, loving and faithful…always.
If only the brain could fathom this perspective, all the time.
With gratitude,
Briana Damilini
