My thoughts are all over the place in this blog, but such is the race right?
We’ve now been in Bali for a few weeks and have officially parted ways from our squad, becoming our own unit for the remainder of our time in Indonesia. It’s been a beautiful season with these 32 people doing ministry, meals, and simply living life with. From waking up and seeing a giant room filled with people sleeping next to me to swimming in the ocean and riding (crashing into) the waves to having hard talks because somebody feels misunderstood. Living this way has brought many opportunities to put others before myself which isn’t always easy, but is so necessary because I want to love people better.
Coming back on the race as a leader has brought me to two questions: what does the leader in me look like and WHO am I letting lead it? When I went on my race in 2018, it was about MY self discovery in Jesus, overcoming fears of what people thought of ME and learning how to coexist with others who were completely different than ME. It was about Jesus and I. I recall wondering what leading a team of people like ME would be like and here I am. It’s now 2020 and still I’m learning these same things, but now it’s not all about ME. It’s about stewardship: managing God’s blessings in His ways in His time.
Officially being a team on our own will bring a lot of change. Community will now look like the 6 of us, 3 men and 3 women, all with different stories, opinions, values, habits and decision making skills. We may all be completely different in these areas, but the beauty is that we will be navigating life together through the same Spirit that lives inside each of us. This comes with each of us as being our own stewards and for me, it’s how to steward our team well. The only way I’m learning how to do this is to trust God and constantly pray for Him to be our guide.
Our team was the first to leave yesterday morning. We drove to a port that was southeast where we would meet up with a friend that my teammate Lindsey had. She had been living in Bali now for 5 years and had been working on an island nearby for about 3 years, commuting once a month and this day just HAPPENED to be that day of the month (thank You, Lord!) We thought we would meet her at this port and discuss some options/get some info on the islands (there were 3). Our team had been praying and discussing, but never made an official decision of which island to go to. However, upon meeting her, she said, “Hey! We need to make it on this next ferry over to Nusa Penida or else the price will continue to go up” (it was a holiday). Our team made the quick “yes” decision, grabbing our bags and jumping onboard to the idea (literally). Once we arrived and had lunch, we realized that the Lord used this beautiful woman and her family to steer us in the direction He wanted to take us, giving us free rein to do whatever we wanted once we arrived. We learned about this family and what work they did on the island, but they didn’t ask us to help with anything. I believe the Lord used them to help direct our steps and He used us to encourage them. What a beautifully orchestrated situation (thank You again, Lord!)
Today is our day of rest and I’m sitting here at a cheap, delicious restaurant that is off the busy path, reflecting. I’m feeling blessed. I keep asking the Lord to guide our steps and He has been, so faithfully. Even before coming back on the race, He has been ever since I finally allowed Him to do so. Patient Father He is indeed.
It’s just the beginning of the race for my team, but even though I’ve already done the race and have returned, it feels like the beginning again for me as well. I’m always learning and growing, realizing that I don’t know much. It makes me feel like a child again and I love that feeling. I feel so much joy and peace knowing that I can trust Him. Like a proud parent watching their child walk for the first time, my Heavenly Father loves watching my trial and error steps to trusting Him and what freedom I will gain.
