Day #8
8.5 miles
6 up a mountain, 2.5 flat/down
Todays hike worked my whole body, not just my knees and below. It was hard, but really good. I was breathing pretty heavy for most of the mountain because it was steep. However, the views were absolutely gorgeous as we made our way up. The sun was rising and I felt like the Lord was in the process of painting one of His masterpieces. What an honor it has been tho do the Camino for Him; I’m realizing that sometimes ministry looks like me walking miles and miles in the cold, rainy weather to simply make it to the next available hostel, learning how much I can endure physically. And at those prime times of not knowing if I can walk another mile, knowing that He’s still so good and worshiping Him through the pain and lack of understanding of why I am experiencing this pain. That IS the point that He’s making; do I still worship Him even when I’m not ‘feeling’ like it? Or when I’m so focused on the pain that I’m not appreciating all of the good? He’s teaching me how to grow in humility for His kingdom and put my words into action. Before this week, I would have said that I would praise Him in all circumstances, but perhaps not having my reactions to my struggles back that up. After today I would absolutely say that it’s taken this Camino experience to truly believe that He is to be and will be praised by me when I’m struggling… physically and MENTALLY.
Day #…
Mile #…
ahh what the heck. Let me just tell ya what I’ve learned. The rest of the Camino was so different than I thought it would be. I was thinking I would be ministering to others, but I had come to realize that the Camino was more of a ministry for my own heart. To give some background info, the Camino was extremely hard for me and brought up a lot of built-up frustration from this year and I didn’t realize it. I literally think that I was so physically pushed, that the Lord used that to bring up all of the mental “gunk” that I didn’t know existed. A lot of my struggles/frustration/bitterness had been towards people checking out when things got hard or when they were tired. Guys, this year has been CHALLENGING for sure… and it takes strong willed individuals fighting for Jesus to get the most out of it. At the same time, we are all human and sometimes we need to express our struggles or else it WILL make us bitter towards each other. With all of that being said, on multiple occasions I had struggled to have grace for situations where people decided to checkout. I didn’t understand it and sometimes let it get the best of me and therefor, stored up bitterness in my heart. The Camino was one of the few times I had REALLY struggled because physically I just couldn’t do the mileage that my team as a whole (me included) had desired in the beginning. SO.. half way through the Camino we decided to split up so everybody could do their own mileage. That in turn made me feel upset because I felt that when it came to ME struggling, that I wasn’t receiving any grace or compassion (which wasn’t true). But I LET that make me bitter and I didn’t express the degree of my pain until after the whole Camino and gained freedom and forgiveness from it.
On Day #12, I wrote this in my journal….
The Lord calls us to not hold things against people and to not let anger consume us. I notice that the challenges that I have faced this year always bring me back to the same lesson: how to love people better and show them the love of Jesus. Not only how to show the love of Jesus, but to show it without expecting it in return. That doesn’t mean to just be walked all over, but it means to not hold things against people because in the end, I’m not allowing myself to see Jesus shine through that person nor am I allowing Jesus to shine through myself towards that person. With all that being said, I’m trying to become more aware of my heart and what my feelings mean as well as when to speak of them vs. when the Lord is calling me to be silent and just listen. I never want to come off as a complainer, but when is it okay to speak to my sisters and brothers about what I’m going through? How much do they need to know? In the end, am I allowing myself and others to become closer to the Lord when I’m releasing my struggles? Am I only hindering my team when I voice my pain? In this case, starting as physical pain that also brought about a lot of mental pain. Should I share this with my team? With the squad? Probabley. How will freedom ever come without honesty about where I’m at? So here it is. To my team and squad, I’m sorry for holding in any bitterness. I’m sorry for not allowing myself to love you all better. Forgive me for the times I’ve lacked speaking truth into each of your lives when the Lord has called me to. Ultimately, I am here to glorify Jesus and not man. Jesus loves each of us so much, and I want to be a part of that in each of your lives. I love you guys.
SO… The Camino gave me FREEDOM. I have gained so much even though it wasn’t the gain I thought it would be. But what does it matter how I’ve gained? The point is that I gained more of a Christ-like mentality and that’s the point; to not conform to this world, but to love people through feeling the love of Jesus. And that unconditional love includes his grace and mercy.
Y’all this year is coming to an end in one month! That’s crazy! I have loved every moment, even the hardest ones because without them I wouldn’t be as close as I am now to our Father. Lets end this year right! Let the Lord use you in mighty ways this month, when you get home, and to the day we get to rejoice with Him. Don’t let this last month “go by” and literally wait for that day we get on the plane. Lets live and love for Jesus! Because He first loved us. Because He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. Because He deserves the glory!
Romans 10:5 “…so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to one body.”
Matthew 18:20 “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” (guys there’s 28 of us which means more power to us haha)
Morocco, get ready for some warriors of the Kingdom. Here we come!
Also, I am only $381 away from being fully funded and with only two days I am confident the Lord will provide!
Here are some photos of the big hike up the mountain (day #8).
Here are some photos of our last few days on the Camino.
And finally, a HUGE shoutout to my team during the Camino. I love you guys!
