Ohh marriage… a subject that the Lord has been really teaching me about this year. What IS marriage? What does society say about marriage? What does the Lord say about marriage?
To even “be ready” for marriage, I would have never imagined the amount of healing I’d have to walk through simply regarding what a healthy relationship outside of marriage even looks like. I’ve never been in one, a healthy relationship that is. In general, many of the relationships I’ve seen have been based on what society interprets them to be. It’s all about how love makes US FEEL; it seems to be a very self-fulfilling kind of love. Sometimes, media even portrays love as this feeling of being so attracted that it turns into an infatuation where we are so absorbed in how the other person makes us feel that without them, we don’t even know who we are. Literally, we can allow how another imperfect human makes us feel to become our identity.
Example:
“I feel unloved”= I am unloveable
“I feel like I can’t do anything right”= I’m not good enough
“I feel guilty” = I am unworthy
Notice it’s all about how we FEEL. We often times allow our feelings to become our realities.
This year, the Lord has taught me that love is not a feeling, it’s a choice. Sure, love makes us happy and feel good, but that’s not why we should love. If that were the case then we will never be satisfied. How can one person always make us happy? That’s a pretty heavy burden to place on somebody else not to mention it’s setting us up for disappointment. Love is a CHOICE. We have to choose each other everyday and not ourselves. If anything, a healthy love is about being self-less. Don’t get that confused with thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
This year the Lord has shown me a bigger picture of love. He has shown me that he has always chosen to love me even when I willingly chose not to love him. He has shown me how I deserve to be pursued by reminding me that he has been pursuing me my whole life with patience, grace, and gentleness. Never once did he force me to feel a certain way about him; he’s only shown me his goodness. And because of this, I finally chose three years ago to give him a chance and actually pursue him back. That was the best decision I ever made; He was my first healthy relationship. A lot of pain came with it from my past as well as what I had been currently dealing with, but with great pain came great joy and freedom. And through it all, he remained faithful and loved me even when I chose not to love him. It’s not everyday we wake up and FEEL like loving somebody, but if we make the commitment to CHOSE to love each other like the Lord did when he sacrificed his son on the cross so we could live for eternity with him, then we will experience a solid healthy relationship and eventually marriage.
Also, I’m still $2,800 short of my goal! Please consider this and help me make it to the end!!!!! Only 3 more months!
