Fear and doubt are two things that go hand in hand. They are the two things that recently I have been struggling with. I like to think that I am a person of big faith – after all, any time I am faced with a crisis or any form of trial or tribulation, I always claim victory in the name of the Lord.
However, then there are those moments of long periods of silence from the Lord, where I feel like no matter how much I seek more of the Lord, I am not really hearing Him. Is this a test? Does God want me to be a better listener? Or does He simply want me to trust? I came across this image that read “All I know is that no matter what I’m feeling, God is working.” Reading this gave me so much comfort and encouraged me to stand strong in my faith. It helped me to dismiss the whisper of the enemy telling me how God isn’t listening to my prayer. Reminding me how long I have been praying for a particular matter in my life and how God has yet to answer. The enemy has been trying to discourage me from my faithful walk with the Lord. BUT God is so faithful y’all. He has carried me all this time.
Currently, I am not free from fear and doubt. It is still something I am struggling with but I know that God is going to deliver me from those strongholds. The fears I have are not being equipped and ready to do what God has called me to. I fear leaving my family and all the things that can transpire while I am gone, the memories I will miss out on. I fear for my own health while I am out on the field. I fear that my freaking cat will forget me or that no one will take care of him like I do! Silly things I know, because they are things that I don’t have control over and things that I have to entrust to the Lord. My doubt creeps in about my financial goals that I have to reach to embark on this journey. I wonder if I am truly capable of abandoning my lifestyle and walk in humility for the next year. I wonder if there will be people that I will be able to share my own personal testimony with so that they can see God’s grace and goodness. I just have all of these things that I fear and doubt about my ability to be the hands and feet of Jesus on this mission. & still without actually hearing directly from God, He continually surrounds me with love, grace and mercy. He calms my spirit and encourages me through my relationships with His people. My my mother, my father, my siblings, my friends, my Iron Sisters (bible study group), my World Race squad mates and even through perfect strangers that just confirm how God is still working miracles on my behalf and that He is listening. He presents me with opportunities to share in my day to day walk with Him and He allows me to see the fruit of my seeds. He proves to me over and over again, that regardless of my fears and doubts, He has already gone before me and He will use me, however He sees fit on this journey, flaws and all.
For that, I am eternally grateful. My prayer for today is for God to expand my territory. I am praying that He remove those feelings of insecurity and negative self-talk. I am praying that in Jesus’ name, I have overcome. I am claiming victory in Jesus. I want for God to fill me up until I overflow and run over. I want to bless others and learn to love and serve like Jesus. I want greater trust in the Lord.
Will you join me in praying for more capacity in my life to experience increased abundance with the Lord? What are you struggling with right now and how can I be praying for you?
