“The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, He saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.” – Psalm 116: 5-9
There was a time in my life shortly after my divorce, where I felt so helpless and confused. In fact, to date, I don’t think any experience I have ever had brought me to a place so low in my life. I was so hurt and on such a roller-coaster of emotions. I had absolutely no enthusiasm for life. There were so many moments I can recall that I simply did not want to do life. I’d cry myself to sleep, suffering in silence, because I didn’t want anyone’s pity on me. I told everyone how great I was doing, despite my circumstance, but that was not always my reality. Very few people got to see me at my worst and I am forever grateful for their Godly counsel. I would have never made it through that season without them.
Of all of the people I thought I could turn to in my time of need, no one in the world could be there for me like Jesus was. Even the people I thought would be there to help pick me up, weren’t but I will never hold that against them. If anything, it was just a reminder that the only friend I ever need to call on is Jesus.
My divorce strengthened my faith and relationship with God. He was the only one that was there every single step of the way. He was my rock and my strong tower. Even on my worst days, God still made things better. I learned how to rely solely on Him in the midst of my storm.
I started this blog off with my favorite scripture because it was the one scripture that carried me through my divorce. I actually have this written down and posted in my loft, where I can see it every single day as a reminder. It is a reminder to me of how great our God really is. During my season of brokenness, God revealed Himself to me in a way that I had never really experienced before. It actually brings tears to my eyes as I type this out, because I am still so humbled by God’s faithfulness. Even on the days I disregarded Him and questioned His authority over my life – He still held me. He is so faithful y’all!
Even now – as I am preparing to embark on this journey of a lifetime on the World Race, He still shows up and shows out. Even when I don’t deserve it.
I have to be honest and share with y’all that even though my relationship with God now is better than it likely ever has been, I still struggle with consistency. I actually haven’t been to church in over two weeks. I am ashamed to say that, but it is the truth. BUT GOD IS CONSTANT – and I am grateful for that. His mercy and grace are new every morning. Amen?
More than anything, I wanted to blog today because it is #worldracewednesday but also to share in my journey of where I am right now. Even when I am not constant, God is. There is so much goodness in my life right now and God keeps opening doors for me every step of the way. Fundraising is underway, despite the little effort I have been putting into it – God still provides. Despite my downfalls, God is still faithful and even though I fail Him daily, He never forsakes me.
& that is a true testament to how truly amazing God is. Even in my imperfection, my struggle to remain constant and faithful to Him – He loves and cares for me with a tender heart. That is how I aspire to be. The only thing good in me is Jesus.
