How do you pray? Or should I back up and ask do you pray? If we’re being honest, it seems to be a really easy habit to lose. If we’re being really honest, a lot of us think about praying as a “to do” on our Christian checklist. Praying, at least for me, used to be a have to instead of a want to or need to. What I have observed in my short 22 years in church is apathy in our prayer life. That’s where I used to be. I could live without praying. It was a nice added bonus that was included during church and at family holidays, and even then it was the same prayer over and over-routine.
Nothing about my prayer life was genuine. If, and that’s a big if, I ever prayed, I didn’t really believe it was doing anything. I might as well have been talking to a brick wall. I didn’t think God heard me, or if He did that He was actually listening and concerned. I hoped He heard, but never thought anything would come out of my prayers.
Hoping is not believing.
Many people look to prayer as a last ditch effort when everything we have tried on our own has failed. Prayer often sounds something along the lines of “Well I guess if You’re really somewhere out there…” and we spew out the desires we have and our own plans. We lay our failed attempts at happiness on God, “if He really is listening”, and hope that something happens.
Are we shocked when the sky doesn’t split open and angels don’t descend with harps and magical sunshiny light? I’ll admit that I have been at times. I used to love quoting scripture at God to try to convince both Him and myself that what I was asking for was 1. genuine and 2. for my own good. I remember telling God that I had the faith of a mustard seed so He needed to hurry up and answer my prayers when and how I wanted Him to. I prayed in a way that I really thought was genuine. I felt the very real pangs of desire and desperation as I waited not so patiently for something to happen. That 2013 Chevy Camaro that I needed so that I could give people a ride to church? Well I kept waiting and it never happened.
I would say that my prayers were laced with selfishness and pride, but that would be a HUGE understatement. They were drenched in it. Not only was I praying the wrong way, I didn’t know how to pray the right way.
I grew up around the Alcoholics Anonymous community. It’s where I learned “Our Father” and also where I recited it without digesting its meaning. I carried around the answer to all these problems for YEARS without ever realizing it. Y’all. Jesus taught us how to pray.
The Bible says a lot of things about prayer and gives us TONS of examples of how and when to pray and even what to pray for. Do you know what the Bible NEVER says? To pray selfishly and for your own edification.
Prayer is a gift, and it should be treated as such. Holy. Sacred. Valuable.
So what is a girl to do? For me, the answer was simple.
I stopped praying.
Let me explain what exactly I mean by that. My old definition of prayer went hand in hand with religion. It was something to check off the list and wasn’t getting anyone anywhere. It was a routine, or lack thereof, and didn’t hold any merit in my life because I put almost zero effort into it and didn’t believe it was doing anything. I was always taught that prayer had to be formal and that in order for a prayer to work it had to sound impressive and include as least 5 phrases that could resemble Old English. I’m so thankful that I learned how wrong that was.
Prayer, just like faith, is part of a relationship. Do you know how eye opening that was for me? Prayer isn’t a shout into the void. Prayer is whispering in a dark closet when you’re hiding from someone trying to hurt you. Prayer is crying out when your heart is breaking in your chest. Prayer is singing to God at the top of your lungs because you don’t have your own words to say. Prayer is raw. Prayer is real. Prayer is powerful.
So yes, I stopped praying. I stopped “praying” and started talking to God. I began to realize that the reason I felt empty and alone was because I wore the badge of Christianity but never took on the responsibility of living a Godly lifestyle. I adopted the label without the intention of living up to its requirements. As I started piecing together the reasons why I was miserable and living a life that could never satisfy me, I continued to come back to the word relationship. God was pursuing me and I was rejecting Him time and time again. What kind of relationship is that?
One of the things God has been revealing to me lately are His promises to us. As I read my Bible, He continues to point things out to me, and you’ll never guess what He has been teaching me lately. One of my new favorite verses is this:
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” –Jeremiah 33:3
For the people in the back, God didn’t say “Pray for a million dollars and Publishers Clearing House will ring your bell,” and He also didn’t say “I promise to always say yes exactly when you ask.” What He DID promise was that He WILL answer us. Many times it isn’t how we expect or the answer we wanted, but He does answer.
The thing about God that we fail to realize and comprehend in our finite human minds is that He knows what is best for us. He sees the big picture. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses and He isn’t going to give us something that we can’t handle or that will draw us away from our relationship with Him.
The thing about us that we also fail to realize is how we often respond when God doesn’t give us what we want. We throw a Christian temper tantrum and pout like a 5 year old who got handed a plate of vegetables instead of a candy bar. Sure, the candy bar looks great, but it isn’t giving us the nourishment we need.
We are toxic to ourselves when we don’t allow God to have authority over our lives. When we fail to pray, we are cutting ourselves out of communication with the only One who can help.
So take it from me, the girl who didn’t pray, and then did-ish, and then stopped what I was doing because I found a real relationship with God: if you’re scared to pray, unsure how to pray, or feel like prayer is pointless, reevaluate why you’re in this.
Why did you say yes to God in the first place? Was it selfish? Were you scared? Maybe you faked it to make someone else happy or to get them off your back. Regardless of your why, you can start today. God doesn’t need a formal monologue with proper grammar and Old English, although if that is how you communicate best, more power to you. God wants you to pour out the burdens of your heart at His feet. Lay down every care at the alter and trust His will and His timing.
Don’t expect to get the answer you want when you’re praying for the wrong thing. Pray for God’s will to be done and then take a giant leap of faith and trust in His promise that all things work together for our good and that He will never leave us or forsake us and that His plans for us are to prosper and not to harm us. Is that scary? Absolutely. Is it hard? 100%. Is it worth it? More than anything you’ll ever do again in your life.
It’s time to DTR.
Define the relationship. Are you in or are you out?
