I hate being alone. I can’t stand the feeling of it. I have a constant desire to always be with people. It can be exhausting, but it is how I fill up. I’m not saying this is healthy by any means. Actually it’s not at all, but it is something that I have done my whole life.
This week, the Lord has really been uncovering the scales on my eyes so I can see His truth clearly. I somehow keep missing it though. I keep losing sight of the Lord once I focus my attention on others. I lose my focus on what is always good, true and honest. Then, those around me are the ones who begin to become my daily fill. This is my idol.
People.
People pleasing.
I desire to have intimacy. To not feel alone and to be loved. I want to have deep, meaningful connections and talk about all the things. I desire all of this, yet I still have come to this place of feeling the need to always please those around me so they won’t leave me alone or hurt me. So, them my desires are pushed to the side and people became my priority.
All my life I believed that it was because I’m an extrovert and that’s what extroverts do. I thought that I just really liked to “serve” people and never thought of it as a bad thing. My mind has made this “service” as a normal thing. As well as believing that this is pleasing to the Lord. But, this is not truth. It’s not biblical and His word does not say we need to work for His love or approval.
In Mark 12:30-31 it says, “You should love the Eternal, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” The second great commandment is this: “Love others in the same way you love yourself.” There are no commandments more important than these.”
Did you catch that last part?
“Love others in the same way you love yourself.”
Yupp.
These are the two most important commandments that Jesus left for us!
Somehow over the course of time I have twisted and blurred together these verses into believing that loving God is through the act of loving others.
After reading this verse I was really convicted. As I was processing, I started thinking that maybe this wasn’t a “people pleasing” problem. I had just been trying to cover up and fix my struggle with people pleasing and it was no longer working. I had to get to the root of the problem.
So, I asked the Lord. No, really I did! I asked Him point blank the root of the problem and how to fix it.
This is what He said:
“My dear, you are right. This is not a people pleasing problem. I love the way you love my children. I created you specifically for this. But, my child, I also created you first to be loved by Me. You are not letting me love you fully. There is fear and distrust in your heart. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being accepted.”
Then, He asked me a question/gave me a challenge (Yes, God responded to my question with a question).
He said:
“What does my Word say?”
I’m not going to lie, this week/month has been a rough one. I was brought to my knees just overwhelmed with life. Struggling and battling in my head between lies from the enemy. But, it brought me to my knees. That means it finally got me to the place that I really needed to be and should have been all along. At the feet of Jesus.
Here is where I found my answer.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Put My yoke upon your shoulders— it might appear heavy at first, but it is perfectly fitted to your curves. Learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble of heart. When you are yoked to Me, your weary souls will find rest. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
We are human. We live messy lives. If our lives were cookie cutter lives and perfect we wouldn’t need Jesus. But, as we all know that is NOT the case.
We need Him.
We need His grace.
We need His rest.
We need Him on a DAILY basis.
He says to come to Him, ALL who are weary. I don’t know about you, but I would say we ALL are weary or burdened or just beaten down by life in some way or another.
Jesus says:
“If any of you is thirsty, come to Me and drink. If you believe in Me, the Hebrew Scriptures say that rivers of living water will flow from within you.” John 7:38
I’m not going to pretend that it’s an easy process, because it’s not. It’s hard. It’s icky and just plain old messy. Going from a place of relying on myself to resting in Jesus is NOT the most fun process, but it is 100x worth it.
How amazing is it to have a God who loves us SO much, gives us SO much grace when we mess us on the daily, and then makes us promises to find rest and keeps them?
Pretty great Father, am I right?
My challenge to myself and to all of us is to sit at the feet of Jesus. Not just when we are at our weakest or even when we are on top of the world, but everyday. Especially the days when we don’t feel like it.
He has made us promise after promise and He always keeps it.
Find rest my friends. Trust in our Heavenly Father that He will keep His promises to you. All you have to do is come to Him. Come to the river.
Peace + Blessings,
Alyssa O.
