Has the Lord ever spoken to you but you convince yourself that it’s just inside your head? You continue on about your day constantly looking back and wondering if maybe that was it, that was the moment you could have changed a life or planted a seed. You will never know because you never tried and it just continually eats away at you…. I almost had one of these moments today! Thank goodness for my team, who is consistently calling me higher.
A few days ago we were invited to a youth service that was held tonight. The pastor had asked that a few of us tell testimonies and asked that we also prepare a few games. I was so excited about this because working with ministries is pretty uncommon for our particular route. We were so blessed to make a connection through the Purdy family! I couldn’t wait to see what the night would look like!
We spent the day in prayer over the youth, the leaders, and our team. We discussed what games we would play and even who would share testimonies. EQ and I were well convinced that more boys than girls would show up so it would only be fitting for one of the boys to share. The team ultimately decided that we would all have something prepared just in case Jesus stirred our hearts. Again, I was convinced this person would not be me!
When service began EQ and I looked around the room to see several boys and few girls. We both giggled in excitement because it was confirmation of what Jesus had spoken to us both…. Until….more kids started showing up… more and more and more… Now if I were to count boys verses girls, there were probably more boys but honestly it was a close call. We were then informed that the pastor had not prepared a message for the night because he wanted us to share testimonies-the 20 minutes we thought we had grew to about an hour and a half.
We began whispering back and forth “do you feel led to share?”. “I mean if I need to I can.” “You know I honestly think there are more boys so, Jesse, you should take this one” Joshua decided he was out and felt that Jesus was calling me to speak. Me, being the stubborn person I am, needed Jesus himself to speak to me.
Eventually, Jesse and Akelea had both agreed to share their testimonies. They only needed two people, so I was free!! We continued in worship and I just began to pray that God’s will be done. If he had it in the stars for me to share my story then he himself would have to part the waters.
After worship ended, the team was called to the front and we were asked questions about what we do and what our daily routine looks like. One of the questions we were asked to answer was how we ended up on this missions trip. Akelea was handed the mic and she proceeded to tell her story of how she had ended up sitting in that particular church on this particular day. Once she had finished she told me that she didn’t feel like she was supposed to tell her testimony anymore. She believed she had said all she needed to.
At this point, Eq had already told me she didn’t feel led to share her testimony and we had already decided that we wanted at least one boy and one girl to share. Que the applause, Jesus had gotten my attention.
So there I was sitting on the sidelines listening as Jesse shared his uplifting testimony about being uncomfortable in Jesus while I was also struggling to find words for what the Lord was asking me to speak after he was done.
Joshua was sitting next to me, of course encouraging me the whole time, “this is you Alex, I don’t want to pressure you but it’s going to be great I just feel God speaking your name.” He kept apologizing if he was pushing me, but honestly, I could always use a little push. It wasn’t long before Jesse had finished his story and was calling me up to the stage…. Eeeeeeek.
Before I knew it, I was sitting on the stage in front of a bunch of people ages 14-20 about to share with them some of the most private, hurtful, overwhelmingly difficult times in my life and how I overcame those.
Here is what I can tell you, I don’t know what all I said or even how I was able to find the words but I did it. There are now quite a few young adults that know what I walked through and that I have challenged to do life differently. I would like to think that their whole lives were changed by what I said tonight but the truth is most of them will continue about their lives as usual and wonder who that weird white girl was that talked too much at service.
However, I believe without at shadow of a doubt that whether it was immediate or five years from now, God is going to use that moment. He already has used it to challenge and grow me. I am now praying that change into others.
Big thank you to my team who supported me in this venture and to Joshua who called me out and up (Even though you didn’t get a picture) I am so incredibly blessed to have the team I do and inspired to go to even more uncomfortable places. LET’S GO TEAM ZEAL!
