Many World Race alumni that I’ve talked to have said the same thing: “In month four, it gets real and it gets hard. You’ll have that ‘what did I get my self into?’ moment.”
Each time I heard this I said, “Nope. I’m never going to have that moment.”
Well, it’s month four now, and it’s gotten real. I’ve begun to recognize the longevity of the World Race. This isn’t some short term trip where you miss home, friends, and family, grow a bunch, and then head back to all that. No, instead it is actual life change. With all of the growth and experiences, I’m beginning to realize what that means and feels like.
The distance from home, my old life, who I was. It’s more than miles, it’s more than time. As God is transforming my mind and soul, it feels like a lifetime ago that I began this journey. I love my home, I love my family, I love my friends, but I’m learning what it’s like to love from a distance.
I’m learning how to truly love the people that I love (all of you). Instead of shooting texts and making calls, I’ve been going to war. Being so distant and detached and unplugged has provided me ample time to sit down and talk to God. And I’ve been praying hard and intentionally.
I’m reminded now of some wise words that my wise dad gave me in a difficult time. He told me that life is full of windows. We see people, times, places all in windows. Sometimes theses things are so important to us, they seem permanent and irreplaceable, and sometimes those things stay in one window as we move on to another. It doesn’t mean they’ll never show up again, it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t good or important, it was just meant to exist in that window. An old friend is an old friend, a hometown is where you grew up, a family member passes away, and a season of life changes and transforms.
I’m looking in a window now like none that I’ve ever seen before. All things familiar, all things constant, they are far away. It’s all new, all the time, and each new window has so much to provide and teach me. As God continues to show me new things, the old windows seem more distant in my mind, yet closer in my heart.
As I sat today, listening to Christmas music in a Starbucks in Kuala Lumpur and waiting to board a bus to Singapore, it really began to hit me just how far away the life I lived before this journey seems to be. And this is just month four with seven more ahead of me.
I understand now why many have said month four can get real and hard. It hasn’t been easy for me either. It has been full of challenges. I began the month struggling to even find words to speak to God. I was being selfish and indifferent towards everyone and everything. I was in a new spiritual war every day. I was exhausted, lethargic, and going through the motions. My mind was constantly stuck on so many things, and none of them were God. I was stuck in fear, doubt, insecurity, and it was stealing my joy. With every struggle and misstep I found it harder and harder to give myself grace.
But amidst all this, the Lord has kept me true to what I said, “Nope. I’m never going to have that moment.” Amidst all this God has been so good and so faithful. I haven’t had to ask what I got myself into. I’m only in what God has called me into. It’s amazing.
I envisioned the World Race as a grand adventure where I would learn abundant lessons, change lives, and even make a little change in the world. All of those things happen every single day. What I greatly underestimated is just how much the World Race would change me.
Just a few months ago I was a man living lies, allowing my demons defeat me, and failing to actually love the people I care about. Today, God is teaching me His truth and my convictions, helping me walk in authority, victory, and freedom, and teaching me how to love like I have never loved before. He is showing me how to forgive myself and others instantly. He is showing me the lessons I am meant to learn from my mistakes. He is turning me away from the things that are not beneficial to my soul and towards His love and peace.
He is changing my soul, my mind, and my faith. He is changing how I look at the windows. Most of my life, I’ve been focused on looking into my past and ahead to my future. All the windows except for the one actually in front of me. The Now. The only window in which I can see, touch, impact, choose, act, and live.
It seems so simple and beautiful right? It is and it isn’t. It’s as simple as focusing on everything around you, but it’s not easy to turn every observation and thought into a prayer to make God part of the constant equation. It’s simple enjoy adventures, and community, and laughs, but it’s not easy to give up comforts and hobbies that aren’t glorifying God, have a hard conversation to call someone to a higher standard, or be transparent and vulnerable when you’re hurting and struggling. Its simple to just say yes to God, but it’s not easy to distance yourself from those windows full of people and places and times that you love knowing God is going to ask you for even more. It’s simple to desire God’s amazing plan for your life, but it’s not easy to sacrifice interests, hobbies, places, possessions, friends, family, plans, and aspirations if that is what He has planned for you. But it’s incredibly beautiful when you choose to do what isn’t easy.
Jesus did that. He endured the cross so that we could have a perfect eternity with our father in Heaven. Our small sacrifices pale in comparison.
We hear it all the time in Christianity, but the more we focus on what the cross actually means for us, the more it guides us into what our lives are meant to be like. Abundant joy, grace, and love awaits. I’m learning this more every day.
It seems that the more I’m pursuing the Lord, the more He is asking of me. I give up movies I used to watch, music I used to listen to, things I used to talk about, desires I used to have, hobbies I used to enjoy. I give up my daily American life, and time with family and friends. I give up traditions, constants, familiarities, and comforts. I give up all I can give up. But the more I sacrifice and surrender, the more I see the truth:
What God has already given me is greater than anything I could possibly surrender. He is my everything and then some. He is always faithful and His love never fails.
Learning these truths is changing how I live each day, but it is also changing how I will love out the rest of my days. I give my future up. Every plan, desire, and aspiration belongs to God. Its pretty simple when you know His plan is going to be so much better.
I embarked on the World Race for many reasons, but a big one was my desire to know God’s calling for my life and what I’m supposed to actually do. I still don’t know because the future is uncertain, (duh) but I’ve learned that God is going to keep helping me grow for each assignment he gives me. And He has asked me to take another step in that growth with another assignment. He has asked me to begin the application process to become an alumni squad leader after my Race. A long time ago, God asked me to live my life on mission for His kingdom. It took me almost 10 years to count the cost and say yes to this journey, and now I am saying yes again. It will mean more difficulties and sacrifices, but it will also mean abundant joy, grace, and love.
Two months ago I prayed “here am I, send me.” Now I pray that He continues to, whatever the cost.
God wants us to look out the window in front of us. People, places, and things may or may not be in the window, but God always will be. He is waiting for us to meet Him there.
Give up everything. Jump out the window.
God will take care of the rest.
