In a van with four people I had just met for the first time, I pulled into a random driveway in Gainesville, Georgia. I pitched my tent under a white oak on the outskirts of the forest, and began meeting the other 38 members of our X Squad for the World Race. Ten days later I now call these 42 people my best friends and family, but things like this don’t just happen, there has to be a journey first. World Race training camp was a journey to say the least.
We hiked, camped out, and tasted foreign foods (including worms and crickets). We danced, sang, and prayed. We slept in hammocks, community tents, and simulated airport terminals. We heard sermons about spiritual intimacy, community, missions, healing, and trusting Holy Spirit. We learned about ourselves, and each other, and the ministry we would be doing for the next 11 months in 11 different countries. But most importantly, we grew in our relationships with Christ.
For me, I didn’t think it would be a new experience to get to spend a week alongside peers who share a fiery passion for Jesus and compassionate hearts for the mission of service and sharing the gospel. I had been attending youth mission camps and going on mission trips most of my life, so I felt totally prepared for a similar experience. Man, was I wrong. While a lot of the aspects I had loved about these past experiences were very much a part of training camp, I was not at all prepared for the new ways that Holy Spirit would flow through me and change my heart or the ways that God would show His plans for me. Before training camp I thought my faith was strong and my relationship with Christ was in a good spot, but these ten days in Gainesville, Georgia showed me a whole new side of faith and radically changed the way I view and feel the love of Jesus.
A few months ago, I did a Bible study with my friend where we read about and discussed spiritual gifts like prophecy, healing, and giving. I knew of these things in the Bible, and had heard stories from others, but I didn’t really think they were of common existence these days. On just the second day of training camp, a World Race staff member came up to me and said that God told him a bunch of things about me. When a complete stranger that you have just met tells you things about yourself that no other human knows, you start believing in prophecies from the Lord REAL quick. AT first this was a little new and weird to me, but it kept happening throughout training camp, and the God revealed to me that I have this gift myself (I will tell that story in my next blog post). Yes I know it sounds crazy and radical, but we serve an awesome and powerful God.
Just a couple of days later, all the young men going on the World Race in August (including the 12 other amazing dudes on my X Squad pictured below) went on a 13.3 mile hike on the Appalachian Trail.
We carried our 20 lbs. hiking packs up steep hills, over rocks and roots, up giant stone stairs, and under amazingly beautiful trees and skies. Soaked in sweat, we kept a steady pace up the trail as we told each other stories of our victories and defeats, accomplishments and regrets, our growth and shortcomings, and our testimonies of how the Lord has worked in our lives and called us for His purpose and Glory. And sometimes we took breaks to bask in the incredible views of God’s handiwork. (Below)
As we finished our hike at the campgrounds where we’d be sleeping, we were greeted with a fire pit that we filled with tinder and wood and surrounded with foil-wrapped burgers, carrots, and potatoes. After dinner we listened to a man named Gary give a great sermon on what it truly means to be a leader and man of God. After Gary spoke, we went to our separate squad camp grounds to talk in small groups. Gary joined our X squad to lead our discussion. A few men shared their stories and some pain from their hearts, and they got healing in the name of Jesus. It was an awesome experience and I found myself standing next to Gary, crying a little bit from the emotions of seeing my friends get healing for their souls. Gary put his arm around me and I began weeping uncontrollably. I knew the Lord prompted him to make his way next to me and do this as he asked, “What’s going on, Man?”
“My mind is a battlefield,” I spat out between sobs. “All the time I feel like I’m under attack from my own thoughts and emotions. It causes me so much pain and confusion and I haven’t known joy in a long, long time.”
“Okay,” he calmed me down a little as the men of my squad circled around me and placed their hands on me, “We’re going to let the Lord heal you, man. Do you feel like you have some demons attacking you?”
“I have so many,” I answered. “It’s Depression, Anxiety, addictions, self-loathing, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, anger, distrust, pain, alienation, loneliness, grief, pride, doubt, disbelief.”
“Okay, that’s good, you can stop. The Lord wants you to know that you are not mentally ill. You’ve believed this for a long time haven’t you?” Gary asked me. At this point I could hardly control my breath, and I was being held up by a friendly bear hug from behind because I couldn’t stand.
“Yes,” I answered. I thought back over all the years that I had felt this. Since I was thirteen I felt like I was messed up with an unhealthy mind. There was no one who thought or viewed the world in the way I did. I always felt so different than my friends and peers, and it made me feel so isolated and alone. It made me hate myself. It made me recluse into myself, alienate myself from my friends, and before I was even 14 years old I was harming my body with wounds and self-abuse and I wanted to die. As I got older, I learned to cope with these feelings and fit back in with my friends, and try to lead a normal life. As I matured emotionally, things got easier and life got a little better, but I never shook those feelings that I was mentally ill. There were times I saw doctors and sought help, but I was never honest with them because I was so afraid to be right about my brain. I learned to live with it and make attempts at a happy life, and eventually things were okay. They were okay but I still didn’t know joy. Even when life was good, and things were happy around me, and I didn’t have any negative thoughts, I still had no idea what joy felt like.
“God says he has created you with a beautiful and healthy mind. It functions properly and it is so unique and brilliant. You are not mentally ill.” Gary’s words eased my heart. I was smiling as I was still sobbing. I began to believe this truth in my spirit, and my soul felt 600 lbs. lighter. His words were echoed as the Lord’s voice flowed through all the men surrounding me. I began to feel some peace. “Repeat after me,” Gary commanded. “In the name of Jesus, I drive out this demon of false mental illness! I have a sound mind that is beautiful and healthy and unique, and I will no longer believe the lies that I’ve told myself. I love who I am in the Lord, and I will be the man he made me to be. In the name of Jesus, I cast out that demon, and in the name of Jesus it is never welcome back!” I repeated his words, and I began to felt free. Gary took a step back from me, and paused. “No, there’s one more in there,” He said. “I don’t know it… Have you ever done any witchcraft?”
“No…,” I answered very confused. I was starting to feel weird and uncomfortable, and I was questioning what in the world I was standing in the middle of. I shook off the thoughts of “This dude is insane” and tried to search my mind for what he could possibly be talking about. We stood quiet for a few moments.
“It’s music.” Those words shot through me, and a fell weak with an eerie, painful moan. If I wasn’t still being held up from a bear hug I would’ve face planted in the dirt. “It’s always been your source of comfort. It’s what you run to and fill your heart with in times of pain, in times of loneliness, even in times of happiness. It’s your comfort and coping mechanism, but it is also the source of great evil in your mind and heart. Some of this music attacks your spirit, it glorifies an evil nature and tears down your faith in the Lord.” In my mind’s eye there were specific album covers flashing across my vision. Again I was shaken by the truth that Gary spoke. This man had never met me, knew nothing about me, and yet he said things that only I knew. It was so inexplicably clear that God was speaking through him. “It’s okay, man. We’re gonna get you free from this. Repeat after me. In the name of Jesus, I cast of this demon of evil song. Lord, drive out every lyric, every attack on my faith, every word that tears down my mind and my heart.”
I repeated after Gary and added my prayer, “Lord, take my thoughts captive. Replace every lyric with ones that glorify You. God, drive out this demon and it is never welcome back. I will have the Lord’s song in my heart and it will never be replaced, God!” I shouted these words from the bottom of my heart.
“It’s done. They’re gone, and they’re never coming back. You’re not Zay anymore. You’re a new man, you’re Isaiah now. Guys, for the rest of this World Race, and the rest of his life, we call him Isaiah now. He’s a new man in Christ. Open your eyes, Isaiah.” I opened my eyes and my face tingled. I had a stupid grin on my face from ear to ear. “How do you feel?”
“I feel like I’ve never been able to see before, and I just opened my eyes for the first time. I feel so free and so full of joy for the first time in forever. I feel like a new human being.” And I am.
That night, in that circle of young men, Holy Spirit flowed through us all for four hours as we all experienced healing and freedom. The World Race leaders told us that they had never seen anything like this happen before at training camp. It was unbelievable, inexplicable, crazy, weird, moving, life changing, powerful, and truth. It was one of those “you had to be there to understand” type of nights. Even as I tell this story I feel like I’m finger painting stick figures when the experience surpassed the beauty of a Michelangelo or even the views of the Appalachian Mountains surrounding us. It can only be done justice by saying that it was God. He was there, and Jesus healed us in freedom, and Holy Spirit filled our hearts and made us all new men.
As a new man, I refuse to go back to the old me. I refuse to live a life for myself. I refuse to do or say anything that isn’t going to glorify the Lord who saved my life. I refuse to do anything but encourage and build up my fellow man and woman. I refuse to serve my own interests and comforts instead of serving others with a loving and humble heart. I refuse to meet new people without letting them see and know how much I love my Jesus and how much He’s changed my heart and my life. I am a new man with a new purpose. I’m not perfect, and I will fall short, but I am on this Earth, and I live my life to obey and glorify God, to spread the good news that Jesus Christ did, in fact, sacrifice his life in the greatest act of love to save our lives and bridge the gap from earth to eternal life in heaven, and to disciple my fellow man and woman through their next steps in a trusting relationship with Holy Spirit as he guides their lives for God’s purpose.
As I continue to prepare for and embark on my World Race, I will be trying to update this blog every day because I just can’t shut up about how amazing God is, and how He has radically changed my life and my heart, and how much He loves His children and wants us all to walk in a trusting, faithful relationship with Him as he guides our lives. I hope you continue to read with an open mind and heart because God and I both love you very much.
Your Brother in Christ,
Isaiah Carter
