To give a little background of this story, I’ve had hookworms for a week now, and for those of you who don’t know they suck. A lot. Like a lot a lot. They cause swelling, severe itching and pain wherever they are located. And mine just so happen to be all over my feet, top and bottom.
Having them all over my feet makes for walking to be a pretty big problem. The times I do attempt to walk it flares them up worse to the point where I don’t even want to walk. Which is yet another problem for me because I hate asking for help. I hate asking for help because I feel like maybe people could take advantage of me, or see me as weak and needy. So that’s when my stubbornness kicks in and I do walk on my own. It’s a lose lose battle. Walk and cause my feet to get worse, or go against my pride and ask for help.
Fast foward to day 4 and I’m really starting to struggle. Asking for help sucks. I’d much rather do it on my own and I’m praying to God that whatever lesson he has to teach me just to go ahead and teach me. My feet have swollen up twice as bad, the worms are three times as long and at this point I literally need people to help me walk to the restroom. So we decide to go to a different clinic to get a 2nd opinion. Getting to said clinic involves Jonathan and Ethan physically picking me up and carrying me to the van and Mack and Ethan physically picking me up, getting me out of the van, and carrying me up a set of stairs to get inside. You want to talk about humiliating and embarrassing? The 2nd clinic officially diagnosed me with hookworms and gave me medicine to clear them up within 3 days. Great news right?! “This medicine also may cause the itching and the pain to get worse,” says the doc. Great…
Day 5 and not being able to do ministry with everyone and sitting on the couch 24/7 is starting to get to me. My squad leader looks at me and says, “Zach before I got here, God gave me a word for you and now is a good time to tell you.” Humility was that word, which is funny because that word has been thrown out a lot over the past 5 days. Humility according to Merriam-Webster is defined as “freedom from pride or arrogance: the quality or state of being humble.” Some synonyms of humility include modesty, humbleness, and down-to-earthness. At this point I’ve accepted not being able to do things on my own. I’m not happy about it because it goes against my pride but I’ve accepted it. Maybe humility is the lesson I need to learn. Maybe asking for help will open further doors for me to grow?
Relying on my team for a week now hasn’t been great. They as a team have been great, but asking them for literally every single thing I need hasn’t. I have all the time in the world to talk to God as they go out and do ministry and figure this out. With His help I’m starting to realize that me asking for help is humility because I know I can’t do it on my own. Admitting that I can’t do something on my own is me being vulnerable, and God knows I don’t like that. As much as having hookworms sucks, I’ve come to realize that God was using this to teach me about humility and possibly even rest. In the long scheme of things this was another door for me to grow in vulnerability. Granted, it won’t change over night, but I can see how asking for help can benefit you in more ways than one. For one it could cause you to heal from an emotional/physical injury way quicker, like my feet. Asking for help is one thing that will be hard for me but after seeing the fruit I look forward to growing in it.
