I can’t believe that month 1 of the World Race is officially over. It just seems like yesterday that we got on the plane to head to El Salvador, and now we’re in Guatemala gearing up for our next month of ministry. But before we start with our ministries in Guatemala, we took 5 days to have our first debrief.
A debrief is a time of rest for the entire squad. It’s a time where we can reenergize and also talk about the past month or months of ministry. It’s a time when our coaches and mentors come and spend quality time with us. It’s a time to laugh and be joyful. It’s a time to share stories of how God is working in our own lives.
But it’s also a time to be vulnerable. To be raw. To be intimate with our squad. To share the challenges we may be going through. To not only talk about the good times, but to talk about the hard times.
Throughout the entire debrief, I felt pretty good. I was super excited to see the rest of the squad and our mentor and coaches. I was eager to hear all the stories of how God used each squad member in El Salvador. I used the down time to catch up on sleep. I was thrilled to see our squad mentor and coaches and to share with them what the past month of ministry looked like for myself.
And as I reflected on the past month of ministry in El Salvador, I felt like something was missing. I had an awesome time, had wonderful experiences, and saw myself growing in my faith. I made some really good relationships and saw God move in so many ways. God was definitely working in me and showing me many things, but I still felt like there was a void in my heart. I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, but I knew it was something.
As debrief continued, I met with our coaches and mentor to have one on one conversations. And as I talked about how I was doing after month 1, I finally came to the conclusion of what was holding me back.
I’m afraid of failure.
I’ve realized I’m the type of person who takes calculated risks. If I know I can’t complete something, or achieve something, or give 100%, I won’t do it. I just won’t. Because I don’t want to fail. I don’t want others to see me fail.
During our final week in El Salvador, we were given an activity to practice living in the Holy Spirit. The activity talked about who the Holy Spirit was in Jesus’ life and how he engaged and lived in it. We were then tasked to take some time to ask the Spirit to guide us one day and to engage in kingdom work that is beyond our natural, human ability.
And to be honest, this activity for me was hard. I would try to listen to God but felt like I didn’t hear or see anything. My mind would wonder and I would then try to decipher if my thoughts were from God or just from me.
This activity really tested me. Just going into it, I was doubtful. And that’s why I think I struggled and had a hard time with it. I was afraid of not being able to complete it or be successful at it. I was afraid of failing.
And as I processed this with my coaches and mentor over debrief, I’ve realized it’s okay to fail. It’s okay not always be successful. It’s okay to maybe say the wrong things or do the wrong things. Because we’re human and we’re not perfect. God knows we aren’t always going to get things right. All he wants is us to walk with him and to trust his guidance. He knows we will stumble and as long as we’re walking in His presence, he’ll be right there to pick us back up.
So as I go into this next month of ministry with my whole squad, I’m going to take some risks. Risks that I may not be 100% sure about. I’m going to take risks within whatever ministry we may be doing, risks with being vulnerable with my squad, and risks to grow my personal growth with the Lord. I’m going to challenge myself that failure is an option and to fully believe that He will be there to pick me right back up.
With much love,
Will
